“How do you like to eat it? with tomatoes or with bean sauce?”
Mum asked me about how did I like to eat the fish this morning because she didn’t see me eat because everything was meat yesterday.
It is a great warm gift of the morning from mum.
TET (Chinese New Year in the Lunar Calendar) is great time when we spend more time together.
I am taking TET as an inspiration to create new meaning around it:
Thankfulness
Excitement
Timeless
Thanks and happy TET my friends!
[Tiếng Việt phía dưới]
"A tired bird landed on a branch. The bird rested, enjoying the view from the branch and the protection it offered from dangerous animals. Just as the bird became used to the branch and the support and safety it offered, a strong wind started blowing, and the tree swayed with such intensity that it seemed the branch would snap in half.
But the bird was not worried for it knew two important truths. The first truth – even without the branch it was able to fly, and thus remain safe through the power of its own two wings. The second truth – it also knew that there are many other branches upon which it can temporarily rest."
What do you get from the story? Sometimes we make things worse than it is and forget we have the capability to deal with any difficulties if we believe so!
Sometimes when you start doing something new, like starting a career or learning a new skill or moving to a new place, you start feeling like everything will be difficult and doubt yourself. There are 2 truths: you at least step out of your comfort zone and you will figure it out because you did that before.
Sometimes before getting on a stage to speak or share something, we think the world will end if you could not speak clearly. There are 2 truths: you at least just do one thing to make you step out of your comfort zone and you always can be better by practice.
Believe in your ability to figure things out my friends! I believe in you!
Yours,
Jen
...
Một chú chim mệt mỏi đáp xuống một cành cây. Chú chim nghỉ ngơi, tận hưởng khung cảnh từ cành cây và cảm giác an toàn được cành cây che chở khỏi những con thú dữ. Khi chú chim bắt đầu cảm thấy thoải mái với cành cây và không gian xung quanh, một cơn gió mạnh thổi đến và cây đung đưa với cường độ mạnh đến nỗi dường như cành cây sẽ gãy làm đôi.
Nhưng chú chim không lo lắng vì nó biết có hai sự thật quan trọng. Sự thật đầu tiên - ngay cả khi không có cành cây nó có thể bay, và do đó nó vẫn an toàn vì có sức mạnh của hai cánh của chính nó. Sự thật thứ hai - nó cũng biết rằng có nhiều cành cây khác mà nó có thể tạm thời nghỉ ngơi.
Bạn nhận được điều gì từ câu chuyện này? Có thể nhiều lúc chúng ta khiến mọi việc xấu hơn so với thực tế mà quên đi là chúng ta có tiềm năng để vượt qua mọi khó khăn.
Nhiều lúc bạn bắt đầu một công việc mới hay học một kỹ năng mới hay đến sinh sống ở một nơi mới, bạn nghĩ rằng mọi thứ sẽ rất khó khăn và nghi ngờ về khả năng của mình. Có 2 sự thật là: ít nhất bạn đã bước ra khỏi vòng an toàn khi làm nó và bạn đã trải qua khó khăn trước đây , bạn sẽ vượt qua khó khăn mới bằng cách đối diện với nó, làm nó.
Nhiều lúc bạn quyết định bước lên chia sẻ trước đám đông, bạn tự nói với mình là trái đất sẽ sụp đổ vì bạn có thể không nói được rõ ràng. Có 2 sự thật là: ít nhất bạn đã vượt qua khỏi vòng an toàn và bạn luôn có thể tốt hơn bằng cách thực hành.
Tin vào khả năng bạn có thể tìm ra giải pháp vì đó là cánh cửa đưa bạn đến giải pháp!
Tôi tin vào bạn!
Yours,
Jen,
"I am bored"
"I am tired"
"I am ok"
Have you ever told yourself that? And after that maybe you feel better? No, you feel not great after saying it!
“Language shapes our behavior and each word we use is imbued with multitudes of personal meaning. The right words spoken in the right way can bring us love, money and respect, while the wrong words—or even the right words spoken in the wrong way — can lead to a country to war. We must carefully orchestrate our speech if we want to achieve our goals and bring our dreams to fruition. — Dr. Andrew Newberg, Words Can Change Your Brain”
Each time we say these things to ourselves, it is like a command to our brain to trigger our brain focusing on sadness, tiredness or "okness" but not the JOY or GREATNESS. And with that, you take action on that not great state of mind leading to not good results.
The good news is that we can change this habit! We can start changing what to say to ourselves to then trigger the JOY and GREATNESS leading to better action.
And the idea is not about trying to IGNORE our feelings - that we actually feel but actually is ACKNOWLEDGE the feelings but then DOING things to change it, we do not need to stay there for so long!
We acknowledge the feelings then change the words leading to a better state of mind then better action:
"I am bored" > "I may feel bored but one thing I can do now to feel the JOY is..."
"I am tired" > "I may feel tired but one thing I can do now to generate ENERGY is..."
"I am ok" > "I am ok maybe not feeling great yet but one thing I can do now to EXCITE me is..."
***
More ways to change what make us think less of ourselves:
“It is not for me” > “If it is working for them, let me give it a try”
“I am not good at that” > “If it is important enough, let me learn to be better”
“I do not know” > “if it is important, let me learn to master it”
What other sentences you have told yourself that have held you back, tell us we will work it out with you!
Have you ever felt tired or bored when you wake up in the morning?
You properly said, "oh, another day?"
You scroll your phone and start seeing all the bad news and you start feeling the araising feelings of sadness or uncertainty or worries.
But maybe you sometimes feel "wow, today will be awesome" and you feel you are taking ownership of your life.
So how will you increase the days that you feel "awesome" - feel the joy of life? I used to struggle with the question and thankfully, I had chances to work with different awesome people and learn from personal development books, I found a common sense of a joyful life - our own CHOICE.
In the legend book "The 7 habits of effective people", one of the habits mentioned is "be proactive"
and in the 3rd leadership book on Amazon "High-performance Habits", one of the habits of highly successful people is to live intentionally.
So it means, we can proactively and intentionally trigger the feelings we want to experience - we can bring JOY to our life.
How can we do bring the JOY? We can identify different moments that often make us feel not great and set triggers of JOY:
1. Set notification trigger in your phone saying "bring the joy"
(from High Performance Habits book)
2. Set door frame trigger at your home or your office saying "bring the joy"
3. Set waiting trigger while you wait for traffic light or for food
4. Set a trigger to hug someone to say hi
5. Set a trigger to surprise someone
What else do you do to bring the joy?
I remember one time I did a survey asking people about their regular feelings on each day of a week.
Here is what I found:
Monday 🙄
Tuesday 😏
...
Friday 😋
Saturday 😀😃
Sunday 😊
The happy feelings, the joy increases as weekend comes because they do not to work or study anymore.
I thought to myself, so they had most days which they were not happy?
I shared the idea of BRINGING THE JOY with them so they could have more joyful happy days.
This is a habit that we proactively create the JOY and HAPPINESS instead of waiting until one day or weekend.
There are different ways to bring the joy:
- Surprise someone
- Walk in nature
- Crack a joke
- Say Hi to a stranger
- Learn a new thing
- Share an idea
- Talk with an awesome friend
What is your favourite way?
7Cs of Cspeaking gym is about personal and leadership development! But let's “make up” 7Cs for storytelling to celebrate for our Story Jam - a special session happening every first meeting of a month because Storytelling is a crucial part of leadership and communication!
C1 – Cultivate stories in every moments of life
To have a story or stories to tell, we can take notes on some interesting moments happening every day! Basically, building a database of stories so later on we can access to it when needed!
C2 – Capture the audience at the beginning of your speech by using IMAGINE
Using Imagine to embrace the curiosity of the audience, triggering their imagination then emotions!
C3 - Create suspense
Make the audience curious and remember your stories by creating suspense - a conflict or turning point!
C4- Characterize people in stories
Make the audience see, hear and feel the characters of the story!
C5- Connect with the audiences
Connect with the audience by asking questions – making them think and then reflect so they can experience the transformation process as you do!
C6- Choose to show not to tell
Showing them by using vivid languages or sounds!
C7- Conclude with call for action
This is to answer the “So What questions”
---We hiked in the rain with a 4-year old kid and 65-year old man---
(This post is inspired by my dear sis and friend, my family in Spain Lidia Pérez - happy birthday to you)!
--- This experience made me believe more that "Ages cannot limit what we can do
as long as our mind believes we can"
(Tuổi tác thực sự không giới hạn được điều chúng ta có thể làm
nếu tâm trí chúng ta tin không giới hạn chúng ta)----
When I was in Spain, I often organized a hiking trip in the weekend. Have you been there? Costa Brava beach surrounded by mountains, really beautiful! It was always a reward of myself and my friends after a hard working week^^
I remember that day, we scheduled to go for hiking and the weather turned out to be not as it was forecasted.
30 minutes before we supposed to start, It rained even heavier. One of my friends told me that we should cancel it.
Before deciding, I called to Lidia Pérez and asked if she came because Lidia was my first close friend and dear sister in Spain who always came to any meeting and event that I organized (if you are reading it, Lidia, thank you and love you). Lidia said her dad and her on the way to the meeting point.
Right after that, I got a call from a strange number. It was a new member (who knew our event through Meetup). He called me and told me that his family was waiting in the meeting point. And he said a boy and his wife.
My mentor always told me if we organized something, even one person came - we had to do it as well as 1000 people came. I told him without hesitation "I am coming!"
I felt pumped when arriving at the meeting point and seeing the 4-year old kid and Lidia Pérez's father, 65-year old man and they were both excited to go.
It did not stop raining when we arrived at the hiking place, but we made it. It was quite slippery so some of us fell on the way but seeing the 4-year old kid and the 65-year old uncle kept hiking, we got charged and helped each other to make it till the end.
Really, the mind made it happen - not the ages! This picture showed the happy faces of everyone after finishing hiking! The happy feeling of overcoming a challenge together, despite ages or weather!
No matter how old you are, what you do or where you are from, I believe you can do what you want to do if your mind can perceive it! as the kid and the man did!
Can we be friends?
This was a sentence that made our friendship - Deepika Sindhu and me - and then brought me a beautiful family in India.
The first time I met Deepika was when I attended a one-month training in Samsung India. I sat in one corner of the office and Deepika sat on the other corner, the office is quite huge.
Anytime I saw her, she smiled at me, warm smiles. After around one week, she came to me and gave me a big smile "Can we be friends?".
My eyes sparkled and it was a definite yes coming from my eyes! She was so cute as right after that, she pulled another girl next to me and said: "she also wants to be your friend".
It made my day!
We started saying hi and getting to know each other more since then. Deepika asked me to visit her family but I didn't make it that time. We kept in touch when I went back to Vietnam (thanks to her, she helped me to be in touch). Deepika would call me and let me talk with her parents and her brother, I felt really loved by them.
Some months later, I decided to go back to India and I managed to visit Deepika's family.
And it became one of the most memorable loving events in my life - the visit to her family.
When I arrived at her village, I saw everyone in the village went to the road to say Hi to me. The village was bright with the smiles of everyone. I was overwhelmed by their welcoming and got even more overwhelmed when arriving at her house.
Her parents and her brother already prepared all the food for me, her brother even went to buy ice creams for me, and they kept asking if I wanted to eat anything else.
It turned out I felt full ^^ really just with their love, I didn't eat much.
I would never forget this memory, thanks Deepika and your loving family, always love!
Hope you have a loving time, making a good memory for someone as Deepika's family did to me!
Once upon a time, a little girl got lost in a forest. While the sun was setting, she saw a lighthouse in the distance and tried to run toward it. She ran as fast as her little legs allowed her, jumping through bushes and over fallen trees, but the more she ran, the farther away from her the lighthouse appeared to be. She was confused and scared. She tried to run toward the lighthouse again but, as she did, the lighthouse seemed to keep moving farther and farther away. She felt lost and couldn't understand what was happening.
The more confused she felt, the faster she tried to run, and the farther away from her the lighthouse appeared to be. On her way this time, she noticed that there was a large hole at the side of the road, a hole deep enough to contain a tall person. In fact, there was a person in the hole – an old man with long gray hair. He seemed to be trapped , but his face was bright and sported a genuine smile. Forgetting that she was in a hurry, the little girl stopped to help the man out of the hole. As she approached him, she began to feel a different feeling. Her confusion receded; she felt joy.
Getting close to the hole, the little girl said, "Let me help you out of there."
The man lifted his gaze to the girl, smiled and said, "I’m fine. I’m not trapped. I’m connected to this hole."
“How can you be connected to it? It trapped you, didn’t it?” the girl asked.
The man smiled. “I have freed my mind. We are only really trapped when we think we are. I can free my physical body with ease because my mind is free.” Saying this, he showed her that he could step out of the hole effortlessly.
The man’s words awoke something inside of the little girl. A flourishing feeling went throughout her body. She could hear her heart pounding, she could feel the wind caressing her skin. She could hear the rustling of the trees, and perceive the colour of the sun shining through the leaves.
“Where are you going, little girl?” the man asked, bringing the little girl back from her meditations.
“I have been following the road to the lighthouse. It seemed to be this way, but the more I ran, the farther away from me it appeared to be. But now, somehow I think I have finally found it.”
The man smiled. “Yes. It is here. You are already living within it. When you run, you lose touch with it. Just slow down and feel it.”
The little girl closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and started feeling each cell of her body being energised. She looked up and saw the lighthouse in the sky, and a warm feeling overflowed in her heart. She could feel the earth through all of her senses. She enjoyed being in the present, in front of her lighthouse. She stopped chasing the illusion of the exterior lighthouse and allowed herself to light up her inner, personal lighthouse.
Feeling the lighthouse inside her heart, the little girl opened her eyes. The forest was not the forest anymore. It was crowded with people, animals, and trees. She found herself in the city of the lighthouse. Everyone had a lighthouse inside them and lit the whole city. Everyone smiled. Everyone looked extremely happy and present. The little girl felt like she was in heaven. She felt a warm feeling more than ever, she smiled to think about going back to share her story of finding the lighthouse to her hometown.
On her own way, she saw the old man that she had met in the forest. He was talking with a group of people. They were laughing and cracking jokes while talking with each other. She approached him to say hi.
Her heart stopped pounding because of being surprised…
The man was talking with her family.
She realised…
The city she was NOW in was her hometown.
Where is your lighthouse? Where is your target? What is your purpose? Are you living up to it every moment, or are you endlessly chasing the illusion of it?
Do you keep running without feeling the purposeful present moment? Are you losing sight of the big picture?
There is no way to PASSION, passion is the way! Live with Passion and you feel the existence of it! Generate Passion everyday!
Around 10 years ago, I didn’t enjoy running at all because I found my calves get bigger despite my trying of different techniques.
One day, I was in Zaragoza, Spain for a weekend trip. I stayed in a local person’s house with other two good friends of mine. The host is a super fit guy; we could tell when we saw him and the vibe he generated. I was excited to learn more about his exercise routines because I am a big fan of doing exercise.
He gave us a tour around his house when we arrived. The house is decorated nicely with different family pictures and his achievement in studying and sports. But the thing amazed me the most was different numbers near his working desk. I saw these numbers increase as the dates changed. These numbers made me curious. Seeing me stare at these numbers, the host smiled “I tracked my running every week, when the numbers changed, I felt motivated to practice more because I found the sense of my growth. That’s a nice feeling, isn't it? Do you like running?” ,
His words and the numbers hooked me!
And you may guess what happened after that! Did I like the guy? Or I liked running?
His words and the numbers hooked me!
And you may guest what happened after that! I liked the guy? Or I liked running?
The answer is both!
I started telling myself to try his technique to train myself to run. The feeling of developing my competence in running over-weighted the worry about the big calves and yes I found that I could do a longer yoga to linear my calves. After each day of running, I reflected on the time and the way I ran and then set a new target for the next day. I then could attend a marathon and also went running up and down to the hill every day.
With the repetition and tracking the progress, I became better at running. And I found the same thing happen whenever I learn other things such as speaking. I would schedule to speak on one topic everyday and track the time as well as the points that I delivered in each speech. The next day I would challenge myself to do at least one thing differently in the same speech such as speaking in less time while delivering the same points. And anytime I did not repeat the practicing process or reflecting to improve, I did not feel a sense of growth then I did not motivate much to practice more.
So, repeat practicing one skill then reflect to improve upon that will help you and me to develop better everyday then be more confident leading to better results in what we do.
Join me today, everyday to try the technique my friends!
P/S: This topic is inspired by Cspeaking gym - the leadership development program where 7Cs of leadership is empowered: Confidence, Competence, Communication, Creativity, Collaboration, Commitment, Compassion.
On welcoming the coming of my new book THE GOAL ACHIEVER, let’s review some other books on goal setting.
One of the classical books is Goals!: How to Get Everything You Want — Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible by one of the biggest names on training about goal setting - Brian Tracy.
Here is my favorite take away:
Decide exactly what you want in every key area of your life
Write it down
Set a deadline
Identify the obstacles that you will have to overcome to achieve your goal
Identify the knowledge, information and skills you will need to achieve your goal
Identify the people whose help and cooperation you will require to achieve your goal
Make a list of everything you will have to do to achieve your goal
Make a plan. Organize your list into a series of steps from the beginning all the way through to the completion of your goal
Daily action
In the next post, I will share about another takeaway from other books on the goal setting topic!
Gratitude
"He" (my red cap) back in the rain...
It was a peaceful evening after I finished a long training, I took a grab bike to go back to my house and it started raining on our way. We managed to arrive at my house before it started raining heavily. I said thanks to the grab driver and returned to him his helmet and that when I found that I lost my cap.
The drive jumped out of the bike and helped me to look around but we couldn’t find it. The rain got heavier so I suggested him to not worry and that I had another cap at home. The fact was that I really wanted to look for the cap; it was an extremely inexpensive cap but was extremely meaningful to me because it had been with me for almost 1 year in my every morning running session. After the driver left, I tried to look around again and looked in my bags but I couldn’t find it. I tried to recall the last time I saw it – it was when I put it on my head before putting the helmet. This led to the possible reason that I lost it on the way. I told myself, yes, I would get another cap and I could create a new meaningful journey with the new cap. And yes, I told myself to be more careful in the future (that is what my sister always reminds me every day).
With that self-talk, I walked inside the house and left the story behind and got excited to go back to my house after a long trip!
While I was about climbing on the staircase, I heard somebody drove motorbike stopping in front of my house. I tried to look into the darkness to see he was that and saw someone that was quite familiar.
It was the grab driver!
He came back in the rain and gave me my cap – which he found on the way!
And he left with a smile!
This smile and his act of kindness made me want to share it with you! Hope you have a beautiful smile before sleeping my friends and maybe be someone to bring the smile to others like the grab driver!
"Are You INTERESTED Or Are You COMMITTED?" This is the question that created a turning point for John Assaraf - one of the leading mindset and behavior experts in the world. This question was asked by John's mentor when John was 19 when John shared with his mentor about his goal of being confident to achieve his finance freedom. And he made it happen because he chose to be committed - to do whatever it takes to achieve his goal.
If you are reading this, I believe you are somehow interested in personal development or entrepreneurship development or leadership development. I would like to invite you to get to the mindset of being COMMITTED to readily do whatever it takes to make your goal happen. And if you are committed, then helps more people around you to do so.
WHEN YOU ARE COMMITTED:
- You identify clearly what you want and the reason you want it
- You have a strong WHY
- You do not quit because you know current performance does not decide your future as long as you keep developing you
- You see failure as a great learning to take bolder action
- You are CONFIDENT and if you are note, you work to improve yourself to be confident
WHEN YOU ARE CONFIDENT:
- You are willing to try something new
- You are willing to learn
- You become committed more in what you do
THIS IS THE COMMITMENT and CONFIDENCE loop that helps us achieve our goal and be our best everyday!
Have a great Sunday my friends to be ready for a new week with more commitment in your goal!
Looking forward to seeing you in person!
Love live give,
Jen,
P/S: What's on next week
15 Jul - Public speaking and 7Cs leadership meeting https://www.meetup.com/Personal-and-Global-Leadership-Development/events/263117350/
17 Jul - Weekly Hanoi entrepreneur community https://www.meetup.com/Leaders-Entrepreneurs-International-Community/events/qqmwtqyzkbxb/
Update our posts and recap for each week meetings:
entrepreneurship topic: https://www.facebook.com/hanoientrepreneurcommunity/
personal development topic: https://www.facebook.com/JenEmpowerLeaders
leadership and public speaking topic: https://www.facebook.com/cspeakinggym/
“How to not be hurry?”, I asked the owner of a photocopy shop!
“to plan yourself in advance”, he answered with a smile!
This afternoon, I went to print some documents for my meeting. I was welcomed by a big grin of the owner – a man at the age of 50. I sent the docs to his email and I found that the email didn’t send. He said “maybe you wrote the email incorrectly” and it was true.
I smiled and told him “I saw the number 99 in your email but I typed 98 without even knowing”.
He smiled gently “it is not a big deal. We don’t need always to be right and we do not need to blame ourselves. And no need to be hurry, just slow down and we can do things well”.
I am a big fan when it comes to some profound saying related to human behaviours and perspectives so I felt fascinated by his saying. I smiled and make a joke but somehow it was what I wanted to say from my heart “thank you. I love it. Please say it with more people so more people can love themselves more instead of blaming themselves and yes to not be hurry”.
He smiled gently and continued finishing up printing documents for me and put them in order carefully.
Before I left the shop, I asked him “So, what can we do to not be hurry?”
He smiled “to plan in advance. Each morning, plan what you do for the whole day, before going anywhere, take 15 to 30 minutes to plan in advance what you will do there, always plan ahead. If you need to print the documents for a meeting, print them at least 1 hour before that. If you need to go to work, leave early so the traffic does not rush you. Plan in advance”.
Wow, his gentle and nature way of sharing on the concept of planning made me feel excited as this is what I often share in my training videos or seminars. I asked him a question that people often asked me when it comes to planning “so does it take our freedom?”.
“We plan by ourselves so nobody takes our freedom. If we go to the office early, we complete work well, the boss does not need to manage us, we have freedom. If we go to a meeting early, our clients do not need to blame us or be cautious with us then control us in the next meeting. We have freedom because we decide”.
I left the shop and told him one more time while my heart was singing because of his simple but meaningful sharing “thank you, take care and please share your wisdom with more people”.
I am writing this post with a great feeling running through my heart because of the kindness and wisdom of the man!
Plan in advance so we do not need to be rushed by time or anyone and then we can take some moments to observe and see kindness and wisdom around us my friends!
Ego is the enemy
(a book written by Ryan Holiday)
Some weeks ago, one of our members in Hanoi Entrepreneur Community asked us about how to reduce our ego?
Ego is different from self-confidence, while self-confidence helps us do things better, ego stops what we can achieve.
I remember when I was a student, I met a guy from Spain at a conference and after our conversation, he told me that I had a high ego. I thought it was a compliment and yes, it seemed he complimented. But as I grew up, I found lot of times, my ego became an obstacle of my growth. For example, when my close friend gave me feedback, I heart a voice that he would say something I already knew that I experienced long time ago. It is interesting because ego comes a lot from being insecure about ourselves which means we are not fully confident about ourselves that we are scared of being hurt. That is why if we just think we are a student, always learning then we do not feel that much insecure.
Here are 3 thoughts to help us be confident but not letting the ego stop you from learning from anything or anyone:
- Always be a student, have a friend who is much younger than you and a friend who is much older than you and listen to what they have to say about their dream and their thinking for any topic
- Always be a student, before entering any meeting/event/seminar/conversation, always position yourself as a student that you will be open to what people share (and yes, knowing that you have a choice to choose which one to apply in your life but be open and thankful for the information)
- Always be a student, when hearing anyone give you feedback, listen and ask yourself what do you learn from it (and yes, you have a choice which feedback to apply in your life)
And yes, this picture below reflects a great learning in my speaking journey, each time I have a chance to speak on stage with other amazing speakers, having a mindset of being a student helps me learn best from them
I came back to Vietnam in 2014 and really wanted to start over my personal development training business. I was on fire.
But after 3 months staying in Vietnam, I ran away. I felt nobody supported me. I went to work as a consultant in Malaysia.
I then went to the UK and learned more about the industry and prepared mentally stronger. I went back to Vietnam last year and I am still in Vietnam now, I haven’t run away anywhere yet. One of the main reasons is because I have a team and you with me!
Thank you team - AWESOME TEAM! Lucy, Smiley, Rose, Ha, Hoa, Eri, Inny. You have made me feel home in Vietnam. Thanks to every single of you coming to my events, I believe more that my mission is helping someone.
Having someone who believes in our mission and vision can help us multiple our belief in our mission and vision. Having a supportive group will help us to be stronger in the long run.
In the best selling personal and leadership development book based on a 10—year study, Brendon calls the supportive group - “Squad” shows 5 ways to level up your squad:
· Add one more awesome friend
· Volunteer
· Play sports
· Seek mentorship
· Earn it - master what you do, be really good at that!
Thank for being my squad. I am grateful to have you as an awesome friend to our personal and leadership development group - Cspeaking gym! Thanks for your coming last time and looking forward to seeing you on Monday!
love and cheers,
Jen,
Here is a summary of steps to take to break or form a new habit (adopting from the POWER OF HABIT book):
Yes? List down all the great things you gain by changing the habit!
No, you can read the following when you want to change
When you feel the urge for your habit, ask yourself with the 7W:
What time is it?
Where are you?
Who else is around?
What did you do right before?
What image or thought came to your mind?
What emotion are you feeling?
What ….
One of the things is the cue triggering your habit! Picking up the most common pattern by observing it over time.
For example, maybe the habit of eating late – I came back from work, I didn’t eat before the whole afternoon so I told myself I should get reward by eating!
What craving after taking the action – the habit?
Replace the reward by another way to satisfy the urge
For example, instead of eating, I let myself to think about great thing I have done or write something meaningful because I love writing
Putting it into 5W model – what when where what why who to do it for
Congrats you after each time you take the new routine!
I used to be a really bitter kid. I always felt there was a pressure on my heart. Anytime my mom told me that I didn’t do things well, I kept silent and told myself I had to try better. Anytime at school, I made a mistake, I kept silent and told myself I had to try harder. Anytime I argued with my sister, I kept silent after hearing her argument. I normally chose silence to solve conflicts. And yes, it is the best SHORT- TERM strategy but the worst LONG-TERM strategy to personal freedom.
The negative energy was built up overtime after each time I didn’t feel convinced by others and I kept silence. Thankfully, I started speaking up after I finished my high school, I started speaking it out, my feelings not to blame but to share and to not assume things.
The more difficult we feel when expressing what we feel, the more important to do it to ensure there will be no negative energy built up subconsciously in our relationship.
I have interviewed different entrepreneurs and leaders, they all shared the key factor helping them building their team is COMMUNICATION.
The more we communicate, the more we understand each other, the more we can move forward without negative hidden energy.
COMMUNICATION creates long-term connection!
Do you often feel rush in the morning to go to work? or to answer somebody? or to check-in your social media because you look for something to fulfill your feeling?
Do you feel that you are living in a responsive mode instead of being proactive?
Then it is time to get back the control of your morning.
I would like you to leave all the excuses behind and try to get back the control of your morning.
Excuse 1: If you don’t answer people, you will be late
No, it is an excuse that your old self tells you to let you make an easy choice to check in social media and emails then you don’t need to think about how to make the best out of your day. You let your day in the hand of other people when you are living in the responsive mode.
And if it is really urgent, schedule to answer it after checking in yourself first.
If it is needed, going to sleep earlier to wake up earlier to check in yourself first.
Excuse 2: It is my job, checking emails and social media
But it does not need to be the first thing you do when you wake up, you have your whole day!
So, let’s get into the 3 Gs for mastering your golden hour - the first hour when you wake up:
(1) Goals: Plan 3 goals to achieve on the day
(2) Growth: Exercise (Body), Meditation (Mind), Read/Listen to books/audio books (Brain)
(3) Gratitude: 3 things that you feel grateful for and send love to one person you feel grateful for
Between activities, release tension and set intention
Before going to sleep, letting your devices take a rest, reflecting on the day and thinking about what do you feel thankful for.
You want to be more competent at certain skills such as speaking?
You want to be more confident about you?
But there will be time you may feel doubtful about yourself, feeling scared of giving a try? or maybe you feel lack of confident when seeing others people who are so good at what you want to learn and you think maybe “it is for them, not for me?”? or maybe you feel scared of judgment?
Because of these doubts and fear, you may not take positive action to develop you to be more competent then confident!
How can you turn these doubts and fear to become EXCITEMENT to make you then take action then be better - more competent then you feel more confident about you?
One of the practice is to use CURIOSITY to trigger that EXCITEMENT!
When you feel doubtful about yourself: be curious to ask yourself “why do I feel that?” and listen to the story behind the feeling - you acknowledge the feeling and its story. Right after that, tell yourself that you don’t need to be in that state of mind, change your focus to another question “what is the one thing I can do to make me feel better, right now?’ The one thing can be going for a walk, thinking about one achievement you did in the past or right away practice a technique to be better at what you want to be better.
You are not confident about you when seeing other successful people: you may start your learning journey, you look for expert and you see their performance, you start comparing yourself and feel “you are no where now” and you overwhelm yourself with that comparison and jealousy. Acknowledge these feelings and be curious about “what is the one thing I can learn from these people” or “what is the story behind their achievement”. When you ask the curious questions, you have the answers of the process that creates their success, you choose one action to take, one step at a time.
You are scared of judgement: maybe you want to speak up but you are scared of people judging you - you imagine about it and get overwhelmed with it, you decide to protect you by not trying. At that time, be curious about the feeling, acknowledge it and be curious “what is the one thing you can learn from their feedback to be better?” Always being curious to listen and critically evaluate to see if you want to take their feedback ultimately to be better.
Have a curious week my friends,
Join our CSpeaking gym weekly meeting to practice on CURIOSITY muscle together!
Join our public speaking course to unleash your confident speaker identity!
Love live give,
Jen,