Do what we speak

Yesterday I watched a video of Tom – a successful entrepreneur and show host and I was triggered by his sharing – only speak it or make it real.

He was successful in his nutrition business and wanted to change his career to host a show reflecting the possibility of human being. At the beginning, he just talked about it and did not do much and he felt great about it. He felt really good at the beginning when talking about it and feeling it happening.

But the more he talked about it and not doing much with it in the reality, he started feeling empty. He realized he had to do things and create the reality as he talked. He had to live what he spoke. He had to breathe what he spoke. He started contacting one person by one person to do one show so another show, and his show started growing with more and more people being inspired. His dream became reality as he spoke and took action and learned from it.

Have you ever felt about it? You have a goal, you talk about it, you feel it great. You also know when you take action as much as you speak or even more, you create results you will reinforce your belief on what you speak, rather than feeling empty.

Speaking about our goal and dream can be a great starting point and a great daily conversation if we also go out and make it happen to reinforce what we speak.

Speak with belief and take action to create results can help us reinforce our belief.

Some of the takeaways for us:

- Be a learner, as long as you are a learner

- Be committed to make what you want to achieve happen by seeing challenges as opportunities to grow

- Do one thing to go closer to your goal

- Reinforce your action

- Be thankful

- Keep reflecting and do better the next time

Today the action is to put the online course out there. 

How to have optimal energy. People often asked why do I had that such energy, I used to think it was normal. However, only the time when I would see my energy is deluted I would know the reason. When I had a clear vision for myself, nothing would stop me and nothing would bother me, only positive energy. 

The power of deciding who you are. 

Practices for energy:

- Water 

- Attitude 

- Triggers

- Exercise

- Reasons/Results 

Turn Dissatisfaction into Grateful action

Turn Dissatisfaction into Grateful action
#happyhighperformancehabits #joywithjen

“It seems no matter what I do, it is not good enough for you even you never say it out loud”, Cio (a close friend of mine) told me one day to my surprise. I was surprised because he could feel that energy that I felt deep inside me even I never spoke out loud.
He would join the event to support me with logistic, he would make a smoothie for me after I came back from running, he would wait for me to play sports. I said thanks but deep down I always felt it was what anyone could do.
After a month experiencing that hidden energy from me, he told me what he felt – feeling that hidden energy.
And then I realized that dissatisfaction came from my dissatisfaction with myself. I used to be told that I couldn’t do anything so I always tried to be better everyday and I sometimes never wanted to stop. I found that the dissatisfaction came from my lack of self-respect and self-worth.
Have you ever felt that before? That no matter what somebody did, you did not feel satisfied? And you also never satisfied with what you did? The dissatisfaction with the outside normally came from the inside.
So how can we deal with it?
We want to see the differences of being satisfied but at the same time never stop developing with being dissatisfied in a miserable way and you have to be better.
We want to try to be better with the good state of mind, the abundant state of mind not the lack state of mind, because it means the more we have, the more we feel the lack.
We want to acknowledge that we can be better and take enough time to integrate what we have done to feel content
Habits to turn dissatisfaction into grateful action:
- Journaling at the end of the day – write down what you feel thankful for and feel it, taking time to feel it
- Gathering your team or your family once a week to talk about what everyone has done well
- Asking others one great thing that they did everyday

What is your favourite way to turn dissatisfaction into grateful action?
#jenvuhuong #lovelivegive

Create JOY

#happyhighperformancehabits #joywithjen
What do you feel today?
What do you feel on Monday, Tuesday…Sunday?
I reminisce the time I did a survey asking people about their usual feelings on each day of a week.
Here is what I discovered (the mojos refer to the feelings):
Monday 🙄
Tuesday 😏
…
Friday 😝
Saturday 😀😃
Sunday 🤗
The blissful feelings, the joy increases as the weekend comes because they do not have to do a job or study anymore.
Which means they had most days, which they were not happy with?
Do you find yourself sometimes in the same situation that you always wait till weekend comes to feel great and most days you don’t feel vibrant?
So how can we change things around and make every day great and we look back after each week and feel proud of ourselves that we have live fullest to our energy and potential?
Can we? How can we have more ecstatic days?
Yes, we can and here are some ways we can do to BRING THE JOY to our daily life!
Before talking about the ways, we can take a look at why we often do not feel super great each day? The reasons can be: we don’t really enjoy what we do, we don’t find the joy at work, bad things happen…Most reasons come from being unintentional in what we do which means we are controlled by things and circumstances. That is why we can be intentional in what we want to feel. We can SET OUR INTENTION to CREATE JOY.
So each day or before each event, we will ask ourselves, what can I do to bring the joy here?
Here are some ways:
- Dazzle someone
- Walk in nature
- Tell a joke
- Say Hi to a stranger
- Study a new thing
- Share your ideas to other people
- Talk with a close friend
How can you start off building the habit of bringing the joy intentionally? You can write the way to bring the joy in a paper and stick in front of your working desk or maybe on your wallet or creating alarms on your phone to remind you every day. When you do that every day, slowly it will become a habit and a part of you, you will do it automatically.
What is your favorite way to bring joy today?
#jenvuhuong #lovelivegive

SELF-LEARNING

"I used all the money of the training course to buy books", Craig smiled and told me his "teacher" - a stack of books about leadership and management on his book shelf.

"My companies sent me to 2 training courses related to Scrum, one went well and the other didn't...I ended up getting refunded for the course that didn't go well...and as the promise when getting refunded, I would go and master the topic.
I went on to buy four hundreds of pounds worth of books (around more than 100 Million VND)...I would choose the best practices and then went on applying them...I then reflected and then read more and then applied...Overtime, I mastered Scrum and started teaching others..."
Craig shared with me an experience made him appreciate the power of self-learning.
We can learn from real teachers or we can learn from life lessons of teachers through books or their work. And one step to get us to that self-learning mastery is our choice, our proactivity together with a purpose of the learning.

(Source: jenvuhuong.com/leadershipdevelopment

)
So, what will you learn today to master the topic that you are in?

SMILE, INTENTION & CONNECTION

SMILE
" I like your smile with the white big teeth so I will let you go ", the police said to Sub. (A habit of being friendly with a big smile can create a great power of persuasion?)

Sub came from the US. He has a contagious smile - if he walks in a meeting, people will feel the relaxing friendly energetic vibe from his smile and they will also smile.

One night, Sub got caught by police while driving his car to town. On that day, he didn't bring his driving license.

The police asked him to look for any other paper having Sub's face in it. Sub tried to look at different corners of the wallet and down to the very bottom of it - but he could not find one.

The police then asked Sub "Hold on a minute, I saw a paper with your face and with a very big smile".

Sub got confused for a second, but still smiled friendly as his nature, and then tried to go over one more time different items in his wallet...

"Yes, that one", the police pointed at an item in Sub’s wallet.

"Oh, this one", Sub surprised.

"This teeth checkup appointment card?", Sub got even more confused and he even started to laugh at himself because he didn’t believe that the card would be able to replace the driving license.

"Yes, exactly", the police said.

As the police said, he picked up the card and also started to laugh "Wow, you had a very white big teeth, indeed". While looking at the card, he looked at Sub and continued “Yes, it is you. The white big teeth man, you can go now”.

"Come again", Sub could not know what was happening.

"I like your smile with the white big teeth so I will let you go", the police said.

"Next time, bring your license and drive carefully to make sure you can protect your nice teeth", the police winked and left, leaving Sub not knowing what to say, just kept smiling.

Our community had great laughter when listening to this story of Sub. And yes, we could somehow understand the police's feeling when seeing the contagious smile of Sub "it is really nice, indeed". And the smile came from his caring, friendly soul.

Have you experienced a similar situation where you could see the magic power of a smile? Have you used the power of smile to connect with people?

Takeaways from the story:
- When you smile, you release the tension, you set an intention to see situations with a positive attitude
- You tend to take positive action
- You make others smile too
Do you know?
- “British researchers found that one smile can provide the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 chocolate bars; they also found that smiling can be as stimulating as receiving up to 16,000 Pounds Sterling in cash” (Forbes, 2011)

Choice + Consistency + Compound effect = Completed goals

"Your Choices (decisions) + Consistency (often seen in your Habits) + Compound Effect (Time) = Completed Goals.”

1. Choices
Your daily choices matter!
Choice is a door triggering your action leading to the results we get. For example, your everyday choice of what to eat, what to drink influences your health. If you choose to eat apples instead of candy, you give your body healthy inputs resulting in better health of you. If you choose to use a staircase instead of the elevator, you consume more kcal resulting in a healthier body or losing weight.

2. Consistency
What you consistently do every day decide who you become. When you make a choice, you take action. If you consistently make a good choice and take positive actions, it becomes a habit then influences the results you get.

If you keep making the choice of eating candy instead of apples, you eat the chocolates and it becomes a habit resulting in your unhealthy body.
If you make a choice to practice a speech every day, you finish 7 speeches after 1 week, 365 speeches after a year; you master your speaking journey.

3. Compound effect - Choice
When to start staying consistent in building a habit?
The earlier you start, the better it is!
Imagine if you start doing public speaking since you were 20 years old, every day you give a speech. When you are 30 years old, you have given 3650 speeches. But if you start giving speech only when you are 30 years old, you may need to catch up the person who starts a decade before you.
(But it is never late as long as you make a decision and take action most importantly stay consistent).

What is one goal that you will achieve this year and that you will work on it with a daily choice, consistent action!

Great week ahead my friends!

Let's celebrate

LET’S CELEBRATE
“Hi, join me to celebrate me for living 3 more months”!

What do you feel when reading the text – sounds scary - how a person can celebrate his or her death? But at the same time, it has a positive vibe - why is not when it cannot be different?
Each moment we have is a chance to celebrate and to feel that way, we will live with our fullest.

This is the text that Brian sent to his friends when knowing his cancer give him 3 months left to live. He had lived fully and when he knew he couldn’t change that truth – he wanted to make the best out of his remaining time.

This is a true story told by mentor when teaching me about the art of celebration because I avoided to celebrate myself, my birthday or my graduation ceremony or what I have done.
On the similar same days, I heard a story of a 99-year old man who was strong and sporty and he passed away while surfing – such a healthy state when leaving this planet.

I admired them. I admired their celebration when facing one of the biggest fears of human being – DEATH. They lived fully – they also died fully.
I myself feel thankful to be saved from deaths different times – thanks to my siblings – I almost got kidnapped, almost died from a serious accident which I lost one litter of blood, almost drowning in the river…
And for me, living until now is a GRATITUDE – thank you, life!

After the time hearing the story of Brian and the 99-year old man, and thinking back to my gratitude of being alive – I shifted my mindset in celebration. And I would love you join me to do so. The first time in my life, I went to my celebration for my second master to receive my honored award – I skipped it when I was at university and my first master - I thought I was not deserved to celebrate yet. The first time in my life, I asked my friends to come to my house for my birthday party which I tried to avoid before – I loved to organize party for others but when it came to me – I felt hesitated – I didn’t avoided others care much about me.

But I changed! Will you? if you have not celebrated yourself enough?

I wanted to celebrate, every little thing, and start from using my birthday as a chance to borrow your time to join me – to be together!
SO, YOU ARE INVITED – TO JOIN ME TODAY – IN MY BIRTHDAY. I use this as a chance for me to have you celebrate your life and we will do it together.

And yes, everyday is a celebration for us – thanks to what we have gone through. And if we together celebrate, the happiness is multiplied!

I LOVE YOU!
Thank for beliving in me, in you and in the greatness that we can strive for everyday!
I am thankful to have you all to be in my journey and allow me to share and to grow together

Love you!
Jen,

One Grape and One habit - DO WHATEVER IT TAKES

Chạm dừng chân trong chuyến đi du lịch hitchhiking (xuất phát từ Tây Ban Nha, sang Pháp, Đức) của tôi hôm đó là tại Prague, Czech Republic. Tôi đến Prague lúc 5 giờ chiều, trời nhá nhem tối. Sau nửa ngày đi xe tôi cảm thấy đói nên đã vào một supermarket để mua đồ ăn. Bước chân vào supermarket, tôi đi thẳng đến chỗ khu vực bày hoa quả để mua nho – món sở trường của tôi khi sống ở châu Âu – rẻ, ngon, sạch (Việt Nam nhập khẩu những nho này nên ở Việt Nam sẽ đắt hơn và không còn tươi sạch như ở châu Âu).

Wow, có nhiều loại nho khác nhau, quả dài, ngon mọng, theo thói quen khi sống ở Tây Ban Nha (tôi học ở Tây Ban Nha và đi hitchhiking vào dịp hè), có thể là thói quen bắt đầu từ khi sống ở Việt Nam, tôi thử một quả sau đó nhặt 1 chùm đi ra cân để mua.

Từ lúc đi ra cân đến lúc chuẩn bị đi ra đến chỗ thu ngân, tôi cảm giác có một ánh mắt chằm chằm nhìn tôi. Một phần trong tôi tự nhủ, có thể là “anh chàng” nào đang nhìn cô gái đến từ châu Á đây – tôi tự cười mình rồi gạt phắt ý nghĩ đó đi – tiếp tục ra quầy thu ngân.

“Hey, đứng lại cô bé”, tôi nghe thấy một giọng rất nghiêm nghị, giọng của một người đàn ông, trong bộ quần áo bảo vệ – chính là người đã chằm chằm nhìn tôi.

“Chào anh, anh khỏe chứ”, tôi đáp lại theo thói quen.

“Cô bé biết mình đã làm gì chứ?”, người đàn ông tiến gần đến tôi và hỏi.

“Tôi nhặt nho và cân nho…”, nói đến đó tôi cảm nhận được người đàn ông muốn nói đến việc tôi ăn thử một quả nho…tôi chững lại.

“Cô bé ăn thử nho. Điều cấm kỵ ở đây”, người đàn ông nghiêm túc.

“Tôi xin lỗi. Tôi đã vô ý. Tôi đã thử và rồi mua nó…”, tôi thốt lên lời theo phản xạ nhưng cảm thấy có lỗi và lo lắng.

“Cô bé vào đây”, người đàn ông nói xong rồi bảo tôi đi đến khu vực an ninh.

Đứa trẻ non dại, ngây ngô trong tôi trỗi dậy, tôi tự thấy mình có lỗi và dằn vặt mình, và có một cảm giác là mọi chuyện đang xấu đi…

Khi bạn tập trung vào ý nghĩ tiêu cực sợ hãi, bạn càng bị nhấn chìm vào nó…

Người đàn ông mở cửa phòng an ninh, kéo ghế cho tôi ngồi và rất điềm tĩnh nói

“Cô bé có hai lựa chọn:…”

(….câu chuyện được tiếp tục vào tối nay giờ Việt Nam …)

--

A GRAPE AND A HABIT – DO WHATEVER IT TAKES

My stop on my hitchhiking trip started from Spain that day was in Prague, Czech Republic. I arrived in Prague at 5 pm. After half a day of driving, I was hungry so I went to a supermarket to buy food. Walking into the supermarket, I went straight to the stack of fruits to buy grapes - my favorite fruit while living in Europe – cheap, fresh and healthy (I was born in Vietnam, and Vietnam often imports western grapes so these grapes in Vietnam are not fresh and expensive).

Wow, there are many different types of grapes, long, delicious, as a habit when buying grapes while living in Spain (maybe started from living in Vietnam), I tried one grape, wow, delicious, then picked a bunch to weight them to buy.

From the moment I weighted the grapes to the time I was about to go out to the cashier, I felt a stare on me. Part of naughty me told myself, maybe a European "guy" was looking at a cute Asian girl - I laughed at myself and dismissed that thought - going to the cashier.

"Hey, stop the little girl", I heard a very serious voice, the voice of a man – in the security uniform- the same person who was staring at me.

"Hello, how are you," I replied in a habit when greeting people.

"Are you aware of what you just did just now?", The man came next to me and asked.

"I picked up the grapes and weighed the grapes ...", I couldn’t utter another words – as I felt the man wanted to talk about me trying a grape ...

“You tried a grape. Follow me, ”the man said seriously.

"I'm sorry. I was unintentional. I tried it to know the taste to buy it ... ”, I reflexively spoke but felt guilty and worried.

"Just follow me," the man said, and directed me to the security box.

The young, innocent child inside me rose, I found myself guilty and tormented myself, and had a feeling that things were getting worse ...

When you focus on the negative thoughts or anxiety or fears, the more you sunk into it ...

The man opened the door to the security room, pulled a chair for me to sit on, and calmly spoke

"You have two options: ..."

(... The story continues on tonight - Vietnam time ...)

The power of Perspective

THE POWER OF MEANING - PERSPECTIVE
[English below]
Có hai nhân viên bán giày được công ty cử đến một ngôi làng xa xôi ở Châu Phi. Khi đến nơi, một người gửi tin nhắn về công ty "Không ai ở đây mang giày; tôi sẽ rời đi khỏi đây." Nhân viên bán hàng khác gửi tin nhắn: "Không ai ở đây mang giày; hãy gửi hàng tồn kho đến đây!"
Cùng là một sự việc, cách nhìn của hai người khác nhau dẫn đến hành động khác nhau. Có những tình huống bạn không thể thay đổi được, nhưng bạn luôn có thể thay đổi cách nhìn với tình huống đó. Cách nhìn thay đổi, hành động thay đổi.
Góc buổi tối:
Hãy nghĩ lại cảm xúc tiêu cực thường xuất hiện mỗi khi bạn gặp một sự kiện không mong muốn nào đó, ví dụ như tức giận khi gặp tắc đường. Hãy viết ra một cách ứng xử khác mà bạn thấy sẽ có tác dụng tích cực hơn trong bối cảnh đó.
Một bối cảnh mà tôi muốn ứng xử tích cực hơn là:
................................................................................
Một điều tôi học được từ bối cảnh đó là:
................................................................................
Một ý nghĩa khác, tích cực hơn mà tôi có thể trao cho bối cảnh đó là: ................................................................................
Một việc tích cực tôi có thể làm để phát huy ý nghĩa tích cực đó là: ...................................................................................

p/s: ảnh từ năm 2019 chụp tại Laos cùng Kim, Nok, Remus, Ei thank u
.............
Two shoe salesmen whose company sends them to a remote village in Africa. Upon arrival, one sends home a message saying, "No one here wears shoes; will return shortly." The other salesman sends this message: "No one here wears shoes; send inventory! The same situation, their different perspectives lead to different actions. There are situations that you cannot change, but you can always change the way you look at them. When the perspective changes, the action changes.
Reflection corner:
Think back to the negative emotions that often occur when you encounter an unexpected event, such as being angry at a traffic jam. Write down another meaning to give to that situation leading to more positive actions.
A situation in which I want to behave more positively is:
.................................................. ..............................
One thing I can learn from that situation is:
.................................................. ..............................
Another positive meaning I can give to that situation is: ............................... .................................................
One positive action I can do to reinforce the positive meaning is................................ ................................................

p/s: pic from an event in Laos 2019 thanks to Ei Remus Nok and Kim

#30NGAYTHAYDOITHOIQUEN #JENVUHUONG
jenvuhuong.com/30ngaythaydoithoiquen

Hi and Bye "Chaos"

Yesterday, a close friend of mine left Vietnam to go back to his hometown. My mentor is one of the toughest people I have ever met. He truly cares about humility and the planet. He has experienced incredible moments,being attacked by wild tigers or lions in the forests or wild elephants in African desserts. Death didn’t seem to scare him. Nor did the recent chaos in the world.

However,…

This recent month, everything came at once - he got sick, his daughters felt more and more worried, his mum suffered an anxiety attack, all of his projects came to a standstill because his business partners were shut down. Every day his family would call him, asking him to return home, expressing their fear because of the chaos.

Worried, anxious, scared, … experiencing mixed feelings…week after week…I could notice his concern for some days due to all of the things came up…

It seemed these emotions affected him more profoundly than his previous encounters with death…I was worried but I also had a strong conviction, that he would figure it out…because he did it many times in the past!

And he did!

He took all of these in peace.

He figured out his work, he checked up his health. He went back home in the US to take care of his mum. Piece by piece …everything was figured out …

He already figured out many difficult things before – and even death! So he will this time and he is doing it!

So DO YOU! You have gone through many challenges to be here today, so you will this time.

If you are reading this, maybe you have experienced some  similar feelings or you haven’t personally, but you may see people in all over the world experience such feelings.– and the truth is, we have gone through many other challenges before – and we will this time.

SITUATION DOES NOT DEFINE US BUT REVEAL WHO WE ARE!

Here are some ideas to keep us strong to take steps forward instead of backward:

1.       See thingss as they are, not worse than they are

2.       Go through things by re-defining your purpose – what matters to you and why do you do what you do

3.       Evaluate your current performance in relation with achieving your goal – what works and what doesn’t

4.       Create values that are suitable for consumers to consume in this moment in time

5.       Work with others, collaboration can move things further

If we make the “virus” of being disciplined at taking care of ourselves and supporting others, we will together overcome this real virus.

Have a great week ahead my friends!

Yours,

Jen,

The power of GRATITUDE

Gratitude
[Thói quen giúp ngủ ngon làm việc hiệu quả, thúc đẩy mối quan hệ tích cực]
What do you feel thankful for today?

One day, in our Hanoi Entrepreneur Community, a dear friend asked me about my practice on gratitude, it would be one of my favorite questions of all time because gratitude changed me from a bitter kid to become a cheerful kid and brought me back from different down moments in life.

WHY gratitude can change us?
The fundamental reason can be gratitude shifts our focus. When you feel thankful, your focus follows so your energy goes to that direction, leaving behind the negativity.

WHAT are the daily practices for gratitude?
To think about what do you feel grateful for, it can be at a conscious level of before evening or after waking up or it can be an instant moment of reflection after each event!

And yes, after that gratitude feeling in the morning, it will be great to bring that energy to complete the first important project to create results to reinforce our habits of being grateful!

hank for reading and practicing gratitude with me my friends! You are my gratitude!
#jenvuhuong #lovelivegive #gratitude #30ngaythaydoithoiquen

p/s: GRATITUDE IMPACT proven by research:
0. Grateful people sleep better
According to a 2011 study published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, you may sleep better and longer by spending 15 minutes to write down what do you feel thankful for before bed
1. Gratitude opens the door to more relationships
According to a 2014 study published in Emotion, thanking a new acquaintance makes them more likely to seek an ongoing relationship
2. Gratitude improves physical health
According to a 2012 study published in Personality and Individual Differences, grateful people are also more likely to take care of their health
3. Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression
According to a 2012 study by the University of Kentucky, participants who ranked higher on gratitude scales were less likely to retaliate against others, even when given negative feedback

Your story matters

When I was in the UK, every month I went to a story telling event where most people were native speakers.

As a little girl coming from the countryside of Vietnam, telling a story in English language in front of around 200 people made my stomach moving ...I could hear my little voice "people would not understand you..." Have you ever felt that before? You wanted to speak up and that voice came up...

But then I also had a strong feeling that "my message is important enough for me to share with others and that I was inspired by people who shared their stories and someone could also be inspired by my stories"...

That desire of sharing won the little voice and I could not be more thankful that after my sharing, people would come and say they believed in themselves more thanks to my story.

I noticed there was an uncle at the age of more than 60, always came to the event. I often saw him look at me speaking, not having any emotion or reaction - it was link blank. I heard a voice telling me "he would not feel interested in stories of a little kid coming from the countryside like me". Have you ever heard a voice like, just because of the reaction on someone's face?

Until one day, after my story about how did I overcome my own doubts when changing my career, he came to me and said "you rock, little girl. I often tell your stories to my grandchildren, you inspire them! Thank you".

I was touched by what he said!

I realized we sometimes caught up by the delusion of our own doubts, making us assume things and distract a part of our energy on thinking on being judged.

And if we fully focused on just sharing, serving for good - we would be free from all these doubts and fear, and fully sink into the message.

As I have learned a lot about myself and others through telling stories and listening to stories, I created Story Jam to welcome you come to share your stories or listen to others' stories.

It is a part of the journey of understanding more about you and connecting with others. You have a chance to speak up, exercising your confidence, competence, creativity, communication, collaboration, commitment and compassion (7Cs of Cspeaking gym jenvuhuong.com/cspeakinggym).

Cannot wait to hear your stories and your confidence you shine!

Tomorrow, you will come? https://www.facebook.com/events/512904679367627/
Talk soon,

Jen,

Hugs, touch and Transformation

"What are you doing? Something happens to you?", Anna removed Brian's hands off her hands.
Brian told me the first reaction of his mother when he touched her hands after many years of not meeting each other.
His mum, Anna had lived by herself for long and she lived in a violent family in which people would not express the feelings for each other by hugging or touching.
Seeing Anna's reaction but knowing deep down, she would feel some connection from his touch, Brian told himself to slowly introduce touching and hugging to his mum.
Each day, later on, he would gently touch her, on shoulders or sometimes on the back. Some first weeks, mum kept telling him "what matters to you?" Brian just smiled.
Week by week, Anna started getting used to the touching of Brian, instead of quickly resisting, she kept silent.
After almost a year, Anna proactively touched and hugged Brian. She would demand Brian hug her whenever he left the house or seeing her. She also started being more open to hug others. She became happier and it had a lot to do with the patience of Brian when introducing Anna to a way of expressing care, love, and connection - hugging, touching!

It is beautiful, isn't it?
(Science also says about hugs' benefits:
1. Hugs reduce stress by showing your support
2. Hugs may boost your heart health
3. Hugs help you communicate with others)

Who will you hug today to show your care?

Comparing to developing

On
Comparing
[So sánh] [Tiếng Việt ở dưới]

Question: How to not let comparing others make you feel bad?

My sharing:
The first thing is to acknowledge this question comes from a deeper desire – the desire of being emotional freedom.

Secondly, comparing is an automatic mechanism of us to help us survive when living with each other. Hence, we want to acknowledge all the feelings coming from comparing but not letting these feelings lead to disempowering afterward action…

Thirdly, using principles: comparing that empowers us to believe more in what can we do, to take bolder action to better ourselves then it is a healthy comparison; comparing that makes us feel less of ourselves then it is not a healthy comparison.

If we have feelings such as ‘We are not good as others’, it means we are doubtful about ourselves rather it is a truth. We want to re-center to be back to work on ourselves. Spend 100% on developing and serving! (The bird can fly high when each of them focuses on flying)

And what we feel when comparing has a lot to do what do we see ourselves, if we believe in ourselves and we believe in others, we feel content/excited for others rather than missing.

Here are some practices we can try to not let comparing feelings disempower us:
- Acknowledge the feelings
- Ask ourselves what can we learn from others
- Recenter, re-affirm our core values
- Focus on what we can do better

I believe that you are great!
Jen,
...
So sánh

Câu hỏi: Làm thế nào để không để việc so sánh với người khác tạo ảnh hưởng xấu?

Chia sẻ của tôi:
Điều đầu tiên là thừa nhận câu hỏi trên xuất phát từ một mong muốn sâu sắc hơn - mong muốn được tự do về cảm xúc.

Thứ hai, so sánh là một cơ chế tự động của chúng ta để giúp chúng tôi tồn tại. Do đó, chúng ta thừa nhận tất cả những cảm xúc đến từ việc so sánh nhưng KHÔNG để những cảm xúc này dẫn đến hành động không xuất phát từ con người tốt nhất của chúng ta (bạn có thể sử dụng nguyên tắc sau)

Thứ ba, sử dụng nguyên tắc: việc so sánh cho phép chúng ta tin tưởng hơn vào những gì chúng ta có thể làm, để có hành động táo bạo hơn để cải thiện bản thân thì đó là một so sánh lành mạnh; việc so sánh làm cho chúng ta cảm thấy tự ti hơn về bản thân mình hoặc ghen tị thì đó không phải là một so sánh lành mạnh.

Nếu chúng ta có những cảm xúc như "Chúng ta không tốt như những người khác", điều đó có nghĩa là chúng ta nghi ngờ về bản thân mình - và việc chúng ta không tốt không hẳn là một sự thật. Lúc đó, chúng ta cần tái trung tâm để trở lại làm tốt mình hơn. Dùng 100% năng lượng cho việc chúng ta có thể làm tốt hơn.

Những gì chúng ta cảm thấy khi so sánh có thể đến từ chính những gì chúng ta cảm thấy về chính mình (và khoảnh khắc chúng ta nhìn thấy người khác đã kích hoạt cách chúng ta nhìn chúng ta), nếu chúng ta tin vào chính mình và chúng ta tin vào người khác, chúng ta cảm thấy hài lòng/ngưỡng mộ hơn là thiếu khi so sánh.

Dưới đây là một số thói quen giúp chúng ta không để so sánh cảm xúc làm chúng ta thất vọng:
- Công nhận cảm xúc xuất hiện khi so sánh
- Tự hỏi bản thân chúng ta có thể học được gì từ người khác
- Tái tập trung, khẳng định lại giá trị cốt lõi của chúng tôi
- Tập trung vào những gì chúng ta có thể làm tốt hơn

Tin vào chính bạn! Phát triển chính bạn và tất cả chúng ta cùng phát triển!

Jen,

Never limit yourself (JAJ2020)

[Hỏi Jen -JAJ]

In 2020, what will you double down on?

I will double down on sharing! I will share more of the questions that I get from people and answer them so maybe if you are on the same journey, you can get some other perspectives.

[Trong năm 2020, bạn sẽ nhân đôi điều gì? Mình sẽ nhân đôi việc chia sẻ các câu hỏi các bạn nhắn tin hỏi mình để có thể những bạn có cùng câu hỏi sẽ có thêm cách nhìn]

Question:

"I am a person who loves to contribute to society and the community. When someone asks me about my expected salary, I said X million salary and people think it is too much for community work. I don't know whether my thinking is too practical or too dreaming but I want to have a higher salary compared to the average salary because I want to then help people in a more sustainable way"

Jen's sharing: It is great when you know what do you love to do - your drives - contribution (to society and community).

It is also great that you dare to define your expected salary (it somehow reflects how confident you feel about the values you can add to others).

Which means the 2 topics do not conflict with each other. One is your human drive, and the other is how you reflect values you can add through the expected salary. I observe and see people normally underestimate their value rather than over-estimate (which means the salary you expect may not even reflect the true value you can add, maybe it can be higher).

Another thing is "who are others? the people told you to want a high salary? maybe it came from someone but after all - coming from YOU - so yes, it reflects your belief about your self worth!

So I would ask the following questions to clear out all the doubts:

- I know what I truly want? contributing to the community? great, how would I do it is...

and I do it by...

- I believe in my worth, and the salary I expect is...

and It reflects the values I can add to wherever I work ...

...

Câu hỏi:

Em có 1 tình huống khó xử: em là một người thích làm một công việc đóng góp cho cộng đồng và xã hội. Khi được hỏi về mức lương mong muốn em có chia sẻ là X triệu VND. Mọi người coi là số tiền đó không hợp lý vì khi làm 1 công việc liên quan đến cộng đồng thì cần nhận lương thấp. Em có mơ mộng hay thực thục dụng quá không chị?

Chia sẻ từ Jen:

Chúc mừng bạn vì bạn đã xác định được điều mình muốn làm : đóng góp cho cộng đồng và xã hội.

Chúc mừng bạn cũng đã xác định được mức lương mình mong muốn (một phần nào đó, nó phản ánh niềm tin của bạn vào giá trị bạn có thể cho đi khi bạn làm 1 công việc nào đó)

Và 2 chủ đề này không mâu thuẫn nhau. Một là động lực/điều bạn coi trọng trong cuộc sống và Một là một con số phản ánh định giá về giá trị bạn có thể cho đi khi đi làm 1 việc nào đó.

(thường mình thấy mọi người định giá giá trị họ có thể cho đi ít hơn so với giá trị thực sự họ có thể cho đi, nên bạn thậm chí có thể tăng con số mức lương bạn xứng đáng nếu giá trị bạn cho đi cao hơn thế)

Một góc cạnh nữa là - bạn có thấy mọi người đánh giá về việc bạn muốn lương quá cao - một trong những người này có thể là "chính bạn" nói với bạn, và một phần nó phản ánh có thể bạn đang phần nào vẫn hoài nghi về giá trị bạn có thể cho đi.

Vậy là bạn có thể hỏi mình:

- Tôi thực sự biết tôi muốn gì? điều tôi coi trọng là được đóng góp cho cộng đồng? tuyệt vời, tôi làm việc đó bằng cách...

- Tôi tin vào giá trị của tôi, mức lương tôi mong muốn là...

và những giá trị tôi cho đi tương xứng với mức lương đo là...

Mình sẽ đăng bài chia sẻ video qua kênh youtube mới:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCG2CJV3wUx62nnvZyepImfg

TET

“How do you like to eat it? with tomatoes or with bean sauce?”

Mum asked me about how did I like to eat the fish this morning because she didn’t see me eat because everything was meat yesterday.

It is a great warm gift of the morning from mum.

TET (Chinese New Year in the Lunar Calendar) is great time when we spend more time together.

I am taking TET as an inspiration to create new meaning around it:

Thankfulness

Excitement

Timeless

Thanks and happy TET my friends!

You can figure it out

[Tiếng Việt phía dưới]

"A tired bird landed on a branch. The bird rested, enjoying the view from the branch and the protection it offered from dangerous animals. Just as the bird became used to the branch and the support and safety it offered, a strong wind started blowing, and the tree swayed with such intensity that it seemed the branch would snap in half.

But the bird was not worried for it knew two important truths. The first truth – even without the branch it was able to fly, and thus remain safe through the power of its own two wings. The second truth – it also knew that there are many other branches upon which it can temporarily rest."

What do you get from the story? Sometimes we make things worse than it is and forget we have the capability to deal with any difficulties if we believe so!

Sometimes when you start doing something new, like starting a career or learning a new skill or moving to a new place, you start feeling like everything will be difficult and doubt yourself. There are 2 truths: you at least step out of your comfort zone and you will figure it out because you did that before.

Sometimes before getting on a stage to speak or share something, we think the world will end if you could not speak clearly. There are 2 truths: you at least just do one thing to make you step out of your comfort zone and you always can be better by practice.

Believe in your ability to figure things out my friends! I believe in you!

Yours,

Jen

...

Một chú chim mệt mỏi đáp xuống một cành cây. Chú chim nghỉ ngơi, tận hưởng khung cảnh từ cành cây và cảm giác an toàn được cành cây che chở khỏi những con thú dữ. Khi chú chim bắt đầu cảm thấy thoải mái với cành cây và không gian xung quanh, một cơn gió mạnh thổi đến và cây đung đưa với cường độ mạnh đến nỗi dường như cành cây sẽ gãy làm đôi.

Nhưng chú chim không lo lắng vì nó biết có hai sự thật quan trọng. Sự thật đầu tiên - ngay cả khi không có cành cây nó có thể bay, và do đó nó vẫn an toàn vì có sức mạnh của hai cánh của chính nó. Sự thật thứ hai - nó cũng biết rằng có nhiều cành cây khác mà nó có thể tạm thời nghỉ ngơi.

Bạn nhận được điều gì từ câu chuyện này? Có thể nhiều lúc chúng ta khiến mọi việc xấu hơn so với thực tế mà quên đi là chúng ta có tiềm năng để vượt qua mọi khó khăn.

Nhiều lúc bạn bắt đầu một công việc mới hay học một kỹ năng mới hay đến sinh sống ở một nơi mới, bạn nghĩ rằng mọi thứ sẽ rất khó khăn và nghi ngờ về khả năng của mình. Có 2 sự thật là: ít nhất bạn đã bước ra khỏi vòng an toàn khi làm nó và bạn đã trải qua khó khăn trước đây , bạn sẽ vượt qua khó khăn mới bằng cách đối diện với nó, làm nó.

Nhiều lúc bạn quyết định bước lên chia sẻ trước đám đông, bạn tự nói với mình là trái đất sẽ sụp đổ vì bạn có thể không nói được rõ ràng. Có 2 sự thật là: ít nhất bạn đã vượt qua khỏi vòng an toàn và bạn luôn có thể tốt hơn bằng cách thực hành.

Tin vào khả năng bạn có thể tìm ra giải pháp vì đó là cánh cửa đưa bạn đến giải pháp!

Tôi tin vào bạn!

Yours,

Jen,

Change how you say to change how you do

"I am bored"

"I am tired"

"I am ok"

Have you ever told yourself that? And after that maybe you feel better? No, you feel not great after saying it!

“Language shapes our behavior and each word we use is imbued with multitudes of personal meaning. The right words spoken in the right way can bring us love, money and respect, while the wrong words—or even the right words spoken in the wrong way — can lead to a country to war. We must carefully orchestrate our speech if we want to achieve our goals and bring our dreams to fruition. — Dr. Andrew Newberg, Words Can Change Your Brain”

Each time we say these things to ourselves, it is like a command to our brain to trigger our brain focusing on sadness, tiredness or "okness" but not the JOY or GREATNESS. And with that, you take action on that not great state of mind leading to not good results.

The good news is that we can change this habit! We can start changing what to say to ourselves to then trigger the JOY and GREATNESS leading to better action.

And the idea is not about trying to IGNORE our feelings - that we actually feel but actually is ACKNOWLEDGE the feelings but then DOING things to change it, we do not need to stay there for so long!

We acknowledge the feelings then change the words leading to a better state of mind then better action:

"I am bored" > "I may feel bored but one thing I can do now to feel the JOY is..."

"I am tired" > "I may feel tired but one thing I can do now to generate ENERGY is..."

"I am ok" > "I am ok maybe not feeling great yet but one thing I can do now to EXCITE me is..."

***

More ways to change what make us think less of ourselves:

“It is not for me” > “If it is working for them, let me give it a try”

“I am not good at that” > “If it is important enough, let me learn to be better”

“I do not know” > “if it is important, let me learn to master it”

What other sentences you have told yourself that have held you back, tell us we will work it out with you!

JOY triggers

Have you ever felt tired or bored when you wake up in the morning?

You properly said, "oh, another day?"

You scroll your phone and start seeing all the bad news and you start feeling the araising feelings of sadness or uncertainty or worries.

But maybe you sometimes feel "wow, today will be awesome" and you feel you are taking ownership of your life.

So how will you increase the days that you feel "awesome" - feel the joy of life? I used to struggle with the question and thankfully, I had chances to work with different awesome people and learn from personal development books, I found a common sense of a joyful life - our own CHOICE.

In the legend book "The 7 habits of effective people", one of the habits mentioned is "be proactive"

and in the 3rd leadership book on Amazon "High-performance Habits", one of the habits of highly successful people is to live intentionally.

So it means, we can proactively and intentionally trigger the feelings we want to experience - we can bring JOY to our life.

How can we do bring the JOY? We can identify different moments that often make us feel not great and set triggers of JOY:

1. Set notification trigger in your phone saying "bring the joy"

(from High Performance Habits book)

2. Set door frame trigger at your home or your office saying "bring the joy"

3. Set waiting trigger while you wait for traffic light or for food

4. Set a trigger to hug someone to say hi

5. Set a trigger to surprise someone

What else do you do to bring the joy?

Bring the Joy

I remember one time I did a survey asking people about their regular feelings on each day of a week.

Here is what I found:

Monday 🙄

Tuesday 😏

...

Friday 😋

Saturday 😀😃

Sunday 😊

The happy feelings, the joy increases as weekend comes because they do not to work or study anymore.

I thought to myself, so they had most days which they were not happy?

I shared the idea of BRINGING THE JOY with them so they could have more joyful happy days.

This is a habit that we proactively create the JOY and HAPPINESS instead of waiting until one day or weekend.

There are different ways to bring the joy:
- Surprise someone
- Walk in nature
- Crack a joke
- Say Hi to a stranger
- Learn a new thing
- Share an idea
- Talk with an awesome friend

What is your favourite way?