We all can make a CHOICE to have a new beginning with a new standard of joy, growth, and contribution.
Ways of thinking that hinder our growth, joy, and connection:
• Polarised thinking: This refers to ‘black and white’ thinking. Although life is usually not this clearly delineated, people can fall into the trap of seeing things as opposites. This way of thinking necessarily limits choices. Statements such as ‘I never win anything’ and ‘I am always the one who ends up apologising’ demonstrate polarised thinking.
• Over-generalising: This refers to making general or exaggerated statements based on limited information. For example, if someone encounters one person in Brussels being an inconsiderate driver, it would be over-generalising to conclude that ‘Belgians are terrible drivers’. Or, if a coachee makes a statement about ‘motivation levels in the charity sector’ based on one job working for a charity shop, this is another example of over-generalising.
• Catastrophising: Catastrophising occurs when a person focuses unhelpfully on a mistake to such an extent that a relatively small error begins to feel like a catastrophe. People who catastrophise tend to move quickly in their thinking to the ‘worst case scenario’ and they tend to overrate the possibility of this occurring.
• Personalisation: Basically, this is about taking everything personally. If a coachee feels that everyone’s actions are directed at her, this will lead to anxiety and defensiveness. People who get caught by this thinking error find it difficult to receive any feedback, as they are likely to take any suggestions as criticism.
• Blaming: This is a relatively common thinking error involving the coachee blaming others completely for things that go wrong. By doing this, the coachee does not have to acknowledge her role in a problem or difficult situation. Coachees who start a coaching relationship by saying ‘It’s not me you should be speaking to. You should be coaching my boss’ may be experiencing this thinking error.
• Mindreading: This is when we think that we can tell what someone else is thinking and, unreasonably, we believe that this guess is true (in other words, that we ‘know’ what may be going on in someone else’s head). This can be noticed when a coachee says ‘I know exactly how they are going to respond’ or ‘She doesn’t say anything but I know what she is thinking’.
• Self-criticism: Some people believe that criticism is a good way of motivating oneself. This can lead to self-critical thoughts, and people can end up holding unreasonably high expectations for themselves. The fallacy is that such a view is actually beneficial. While it can motivate for short periods of time, it is damaging in the longer term.
• Unchanging feelings: This thinking error involves believing that because we feel a particular way about something, we will always feel the same way. An example is someone who says ‘I won’t want to retire in the south of France because I get bored in quiet towns.’
• Halo effect: This effect occurs when we believe that everything about a person is wonderful just because we have experienced one positive trait or aspect of her personality. The positive impression (the ‘halo’) influences our assessment of all that person’s characteristics or behaviour.
• Minimising: This is when we underplay our role in successful events or positive outcomes. People who minimise their achievements would say ‘Oh, that was nothing’ or ‘I didn’t do much’, even when they contributed significantly.
• Self-serving bias: This is when we attribute positive events to one’s own behaviour but negative events to external factors. In other words, when things go well, this is believed to be due to one’s own efforts but when things go badly, other people or factors are blamed.
• Assumed similarity: This common thinking error is based on believing that other people have similar thoughts and attitudes to ours.
• In-group bias: The in-group bias is a tendency to trust and value people who are like ourselves or from similar cultural or social backgrounds.
• Positively-based predictions: This is another common error, especially in optimists. A positively-based prediction is when we assume things will go well without any evidence to support this.
• Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results: Some people continue to repeat their behaviour, or do more of the same thing, while hoping for different results. For example, when repeatedly asking a child to clean her room does not work, we sometimes simply increase the level of nagging!
(An introduction of Coaching Skill, by Christian)
