HOW TO GET 'EXTRA' TIME
Jen was talking to a client about a time-consuming and overthinking habit: tormenting herself for a long time (maybe up to a day) after doing something poorly.
Tormenting ourselves to some extent can come from a high sense of responsibility, making us responsible for developing ourselves every day. On the other hand, if we torment ourselves 'for too long' it will affect other things, and then we continue to torment ourselves; we are 'spending' more time than necessary on this habit.
If we can shift this habit, we will have 'more' time for more important things than 'tormenting ourselves for too long'.
You and Jen 'get rid of the habit of long torment' through Jen's conversation with a 'coachee' who has a habit of 'long torment'.
Coachee: I usually spend a whole day, sometimes a whole day thinking and 'tormenting' myself for not doing something well.
Jen: In what situations do you usually experience this feeling?
Coachee: At times when I don't do well at something I planned, or I forget something I need to do; somewhere it also affects the people around me.
Jen: What emotions do you usually experience in those situations?
Coachee: I often feel guilty, not good enough, I feel a bit sad about myself…
Jen: Do you 'intentionally' expect that to happen…?
Coachee: I don't do it on purpose, I think everyone is right and wrong at times, no one is going to be completely good at everything… This habit helps me to get better somewhere, being strict with myself – to make improvements every single day. But I find myself spending more time than necessary on 'this torment', sometimes half a day or a whole day, then I start it again.
Jen: If you 'reduced' time for that, what would you do?
Coachee: Well, I can look back at the situation that made me feel miserable, and then identify the lesson from that as a plan for the next time if the same situation occurs.
Jen: Is there a way to help you get out of that torment box and have a different perspective on it?
Coachee: I put it on paper…
Jen: Is there another way for you to look at it differently, with a different perspective…to build the person you want to be in the future….
Coachee: I'll look from the 'best and greatest' version of myself, and see that I should forgive myself, apologize to others if necessary, and then map out the points of change.
Jen: If you go a few steps further, after that step of reflection, what are those 'steps'?
Coachee: …….(thinking)
Jen: When you look back at the things you've done - you use the frame of reference of the things you've done - so that next time you're in a similar situation, you'll do better. If you were to use a frame of reference as your future goal, what would you do right after looking back at it?
Coachee: I'm going to move on to another job…with the mindset of the 'real and best' version of myself.
