HUGS/TOUCH and TRANSFORMATION

HUGS/TOUCH

and TRANSFORMATION

[If you cannot do a hug physically then virtually]

[Thói quen sống vui làm việc hiệu quả cao: Ôm, ôm thôi (không ôm bằng cơ thể thì gửi một cái ôm trực tuyến nhé)]

"What are you doing? Something happens to you?", Anna removed Brian's hands off her hands.

Brian told me the first reaction of his mother when he touched her hands after many years of not meeting each other.

His mum, Anna had lived by herself for long and she lived in a violent family in which people would not express the feelings for each other by hugging or touching.

Seeing Anna's reaction but knowing deep down, she would feel some connection from his touch, Brian told himself to slowly introduce touching and hugging to his mum.

Each day, later on, he would gently touch her, on shoulders or sometimes on the back. Some first weeks, mum kept telling him "what matters to you?" Brian just smiled.

Week by week, Anna started getting used to the touching of Brian, instead of quickly resisting, she kept silent.

After almost a year, Anna proactively touched and hugged Brian. She would demand Brian hug her whenever he left the house or seeing her. She also started being more open to hug others. She became happier and it had a lot to do with the patience of Brian when introducing Anna to a way of expressing care, love, and connection - hugging, touching!

It is beautiful, isn't it?

(Science also says about hugs' benefits:

1. Hugs reduce stress by showing your support

2. Hugs may boost your heart health

3. Hugs help you communicate with others)

Who will you hug today to show your care? [Not physically then virtually and by heart]

YOU ARE GREAT IN YOUR WAY

YOU ARE GREAT IN YOUR WAY

#training at #ViettelAcademy #compassion

In a training for managers of Viettel from 5 countries, Jen asked for 5 volunteers to come up and do a speech to call for others to join them to create teams.

One came up, energetically, talking about growing and overcoming challenges together.

One came up, lovingly, talking about empathy and supporting each other.

One came up, calmly, talking about peace and happiness.

One came up, warmly, talking about love and connection.

One came up, wisely, talking about being united.

Who would get the most members?

They all got their team members, as different people resonated with varying ways of delivery or leadership styles.

What they all shared in common was their authenticity, and enthusiasm to serve and connect.

It is beautiful, isn't it? When we come from our authentic self, love, and compassion; no matter which country we come from, people can feel us.

Thanks for being great you!

Everyone needs a C.O.A.C.H #2

Everyone needs a coach...(#2)

#clarity

“If a pond is clouded with mud, there’s nothing you can do to make the water clear. But when you allow the mud to settle, it will clear on its own, because clarity is the water’s natural state...”

“If you are a glass of clear and pure water, and there is a small drop of ink in your glass of water. What will you do to not be clouded by ink? or reduce turbidity?”

I was fascinated by the situation the lecturer presented to the participants of the S-growth Innovation Coaching Program 2021 cohort.

‘Let the ink settle,’ said one participant.

'A good idea, is there another way?' the lecturer asked.

Is there any other way? What you will do…

‘Put this water into the great ocean?’ one participant replied.

When we mix a cup of water with cloudy ink in the big sea, then the ink cloudiness will be only a small part.

In life, if we do a lot of great things - these great things will overweigh the things which are not so great.

To do that, we need to have CLARITY of what is 'great'. We need clarity about what's good and what's not so good. We need clarity about who we want to be.

I believe that one of the great things about coaching is to bring us CLARITY on our core values and what truly matters to us.

To gain clarity, we often use the tool '7S':

Self-identity: 3 core values about our best true self.

Social roles: 3 important social roles to express our true best self.

Skills: 3 important skills to help us realize the social roles.

Successful stories: 3 successful stories (coming a lot from failure but then succeeding) from which to learn.

Social circles: 3 social circles (communities) to help us nurture our skills and best true self.

Schedule: protected time/schedule to develop these skills/spend time with the social circles.

What is your tool to develop CLARITY? about what truly matters to u?

Everyone needs a C.O.A.C.H

Everyone needs a coach...#1

A journey has been started..

#sic3 #sic #bkh

September, 2016, London, UK.

“Hey, …., let’s go…let’s go…”

Everyone in the crowd was rushing around and running toward something.

I stopped someone to ask, “What’s happening?”

“It is Lady Gaga…”

…welcome to London.

(I used to be called “Lady Gaga” when I worked as an engineer at Samsung because of my weird outfit, wearing 12-cm high heels and a colourful hat…)

I had another reason for that day in the UK to be even more memorable (I had just arrived in London for my second master’s degree with a Chevening scholarship.)

I went on a 2-day training program about coaching because it was free, just to check it out.

…And that 2-day investment of time had a life-time value...

…I found there was so much more that coaching could offer us, no matter who we are…

That day I started to discover, “Coaching is being what I have practiced. But also there is huge career when following the path of coaching …”

I was like a wild horse to start with. I listened. I asked questions but I was not technically trained to become a coach…

…February, 2018, Hanoi, Vietnam.

“You are a coach? Are you certified?” a lady, 50 years of age, asked me in a community meeting in which coaches in Vietnam meet each other.

“I am not, and I don’t think I need to be certified. I have been doing coaching since 2011,”. I was very defensive. Inside myself, I thought “No, I never need any title, as long as it is what I am, my being, every day.” Top coaches in the world, they don’t have certificates. Wow, they create their own and certify others.

“Oh, UK. But certifications just give you more chances to make an impact because many clients still look for them when they have their first meeting with a coach,” the lady answered tactfully.

“Wow,” I mumbled. But I started thinking - the defending emotion. It meant that there was something inside me, coming from a limiting belief that was being so defensive.

I saw her point, but it didn’t persuade me to go further to get a certification.

I continued coaching others, mostly people knew my work and they recommended others. If I look back critically now, it meant that my clients were being recommended by word of mouth, rather than coming from a formal public reputation. It was not scalable.

…until 2021…

I had a PARADIGM SHIFT…

And I hope you will have a paradigm shift too, in your life, at a moment, or a period, when a question comes, or you ask a question. You change how you see things, what you do, how you give value to others, you change your paradigm. And in a way for the better.

I attended a 6-month program of training to be a certified coach…

“What did you get from those 6 months?” the Director of 844 Project, Ministry of Science and Technology asked.

Yes, coaching was something I have done for many years even before knowing about the definition itself. And the 6 months just made all these experiences come together, in a clearer form, in which I could hold it, take it, and hand it to someone else. It is more scalable when we see coaching from the perspective of science-based tools too.

EMCC and GCI continuing supported BK Holdings key members over 1 year to build our first Coaching Innovation & Entrepreneurship program in Vietnam: S-growth Innovation Coaching Program.

…Today….

Whether you will be a coach as a career or not, you can be your own coach, and making coaching a way of life. Then you will start taking different actions, behaving differently, having a new set of habits for your greater life that you would not have had otherwise.

At SIC family, we are our own coach and also make coaching a way of life.

SIC cohort 3 is opening to welcome new members.

“SIC really has transformed, created the strongest versions of the people involved. Moreover, SIC has really planted good seeds for a successful Vietnamese startup forest in the future.”

Mr. Do Minh Phuong - Former student of SIC

Founder of PUSH Co-working space

“Whether the Vietnamese startup team is strong or not, depends on the coach team. Coaching is the pinnacle of harnessing the potential of startups. SIC is the first program to train this team.”

Dr. Pham Hong Quat - Director, NATEC - Ministry of Science and Technology

p/s: Gratitude to our SICers

A challenge - Are You INTERESTED Or Are You COMMITTED?

A challenge - Are You INTERESTED Or Are You COMMITTED?

[Bạn THÍCH hay bạn CAM KẾT: thói quen thúc đẩy hành động và sự kiên trì - CAM KẾT]

"Are You INTERESTED Or Are You COMMITTED?" – I listened to this sentence from John Assaraf’s podcast today. This question hooked me and left me with a deep reflection on each project that I have pursued – the one which was effectively complete often came with commitment; the incomplete one was often triggered from being interested.

It is a challenge to be committed, especially when being interested will bring instant good feelings while being committed will be fruitful in the long-term.

This question also created a turning point for John Assaraf - one of the top world-class mindset and behavior experts. John's mentor asked him this question while he was sharing his goal of achieving financial freedom. John was 19 years old at that time. “Yes, I want to be financially successful,” John answered but he was obviously confused about the huge difference between being interested and being committed. ‘You will achieve your goals when you are committed, you will choose what matters over what is convenient…”.

And John made his dream come true with his mentor’s guidance and his choice of being committed in his goal – he was willing to do whatever it took to achieve his goal. And he is now committed to helping others to reach their goals.

BE COMMITTED:

- You identify clearly what you want and the reason you want it.

- You have a strong WHY.

- You do not quit because you know that current performance does not decide your future, providing that you continue developing yourself.

- You see failure as a great learning opportunity to take better action in the future.

- You believe in yourself and others. And if you are lacking in that, you still keep moving your work to improve yourself in order to be confident.

- You trust in the process, giving and commitment will bring the long-term sustainable success.

WHEN YOU ARE COMMITTED, YOU WILL BECOME MORE CONFIDENT:

- You will be willing to try something new.

- You will be willing to learn.

- You will become more committed in what you do.

#happyhighperformancehabits #jencoaching

HOW TO GET 'EXTRA' TIME

HOW TO GET 'EXTRA' TIME

Jen was talking to a client about a time-consuming and overthinking habit: tormenting herself for a long time (maybe up to a day) after doing something poorly.

Tormenting ourselves to some extent can come from a high sense of responsibility, making us responsible for developing ourselves every day. On the other hand, if we torment ourselves 'for too long' it will affect other things, and then we continue to torment ourselves; we are 'spending' more time than necessary on this habit.

If we can shift this habit, we will have 'more' time for more important things than 'tormenting ourselves for too long'.

You and Jen 'get rid of the habit of long torment' through Jen's conversation with a 'coachee' who has a habit of 'long torment'.

Coachee: I usually spend a whole day, sometimes a whole day thinking and 'tormenting' myself for not doing something well.

Jen: In what situations do you usually experience this feeling?

Coachee: At times when I don't do well at something I planned, or I forget something I need to do; somewhere it also affects the people around me.

Jen: What emotions do you usually experience in those situations?

Coachee: I often feel guilty, not good enough, I feel a bit sad about myself…

Jen: Do you 'intentionally' expect that to happen…?

Coachee: I don't do it on purpose, I think everyone is right and wrong at times, no one is going to be completely good at everything… This habit helps me to get better somewhere, being strict with myself – to make improvements every single day. But I find myself spending more time than necessary on 'this torment', sometimes half a day or a whole day, then I start it again.

Jen: If you 'reduced' time for that, what would you do?

Coachee: Well, I can look back at the situation that made me feel miserable, and then identify the lesson from that as a plan for the next time if the same situation occurs.

Jen: Is there a way to help you get out of that torment box and have a different perspective on it?

Coachee: I put it on paper…

Jen: Is there another way for you to look at it differently, with a different perspective…to build the person you want to be in the future….

Coachee: I'll look from the 'best and greatest' version of myself, and see that I should forgive myself, apologize to others if necessary, and then map out the points of change.

Jen: If you go a few steps further, after that step of reflection, what are those 'steps'?

Coachee: …….(thinking)

Jen: When you look back at the things you've done - you use the frame of reference of the things you've done - so that next time you're in a similar situation, you'll do better. If you were to use a frame of reference as your future goal, what would you do right after looking back at it?

Coachee: I'm going to move on to another job…with the mindset of the 'real and best' version of myself.

THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION

Jen: What is the most important goal for you?

Coachee: I want to create a million-dollar business.

Jen: What would you feel while attempting it?

Coachee: I would feel I could achieve something, and I feel I can.

Jen: How would you live when you achieve that goal?

Coachee: I would be free to do what I love and believe in; I would help other people.

Jen: How long would it take to make it happen?

Coachee: Maybe 5 years.

Jen: What would be the way for you to feel that feeling from today, and accumulate it every day during that journey?

Coachee: I would make every day count with that mindset of loving what I do, and helping everyone through what I do …

I hear you

I HEAR YOU

---

‘Both of you should go home’, I said coldly.

‘Wow, she is crazy, isn’t she?’, my mum said to Ly when hearing me say that.

‘Ly is an adult, she would be able to come here by herself; I don’t understand why you also have to come with her’, I continued speaking to mum.

It was the conversation that I had with mum and Ly, when seeing them come together to the market.

Ly came back to visit my hometown. That morning, I went to the market to see my sister and my mum who stayed there from very early morning.

Normally, mum left the office to go back home earlier than my sister to take a rest. That day, I asked mum to ask Ly to come to the market by herself to have a look at the market. My intention was to let Ly explore the market as a new experience.

I knew mum would be very thoughtful so she would worry about Ly - whether she could find the market or not – so I told mum about my intention and how independent Ly was. Around more than 10 minutes later, mum and Ly arrived in front of me.

Thinking about mum who had been woken up early in the morning, and how tired she was, I felt so bad. With those emotions, I asked mum and Ly to go home right away.

Both Ly and mum didn’t feel great about it at that time. It was a great example of me acting on emotions. I calmed myself down after repeatedly talking with mum and Ly.

My sister was there and she said I made a small thing become big thing. She said I was not thinking about the feelings of mum and Ly: mum cared for the friend of her daughter; Ly didn’t know the whole context and my intention.

I apologized to mum and Ly later on, and found it was so interesting that I often helped people with emotional mastery, and there are some dark corners – in which the emotions still triggered the unwanted action.

It is interesting, isn’t it? We experience darkness in ourselves to embrace our better self.

If someone reacted sometimes in an intensive way, maybe it is important to hear them out: the person who reacted; the person who did the action; and after all to communicate these to each other.

EXCITEMENT

CREATE EXCITEMENT EVERY DAY

Jen: ‘Are you happy right now?’

Coachee: I am satisfied.

Jen: Is there anything in life that you want to do differently?

Coachee: I want to feel more excitement in life.

Jen: What does it feel like – the excitement?

Coachee: feeling that I am making an impact, I am doing something positive …

Jen: How many times in your life do you have that feeling?

Coachee: When I started my first biz, hired the first employee even though I was an engineer ….When I went to a mountain, stayed there, without phones, without connecting with anyone…When I made a new decision …

Jen: Is there a common factor in these experiences?

Coachee: Challenging. Being able to do something different, having the freedom to choose what to do.

Jen: How can you create that excitement again in life?

Coachee: To be able to do something that is more challenging in life…outside my comfort zone.

#jencoaching #happyhighperformancehabits

THANK YOU

"THANK YOU"

& SMILES

I remember that was one of the very first days I was in Spain to study for my first Masters degree. That day, my friends and I went to the enrollment office to register for our program.

We were so excited from the moment leaving the house because of thinking about studying in the new environment. As we arrived at the office, we approached the office staff and friendly said "Hi, how are you. We would like to register for our Masters program. Can you please help us?"

...1s...2s...3s...

We were met in silence.

The lady then said something in the Spanish language that we didn't have the capability to understand at that time.

As we didn't reply to her, she then made a sign that she couldn't help us and said "you don't speak Spanish, I cannot help you now". As she said, she called the next students queuing behind us.

We didn't know how to respond to it because our program was in English and we didn't expect that reaction.

I thought to myself - there would be at least a solution so I convinced her "We are sorry that we cannot speak Spanish yet, could you help us this time, could you ask your manager to allow to help us this time?"

The lady told us that she had to help students who could speak Spanish first and that I could ask her manager and her manager would say the same. She then pointed me to go to the manager's room so she could continue serving other students.

I went to the manager's room, smiled, and said "Hola. Gracias" (meaning Thank you), the manager's face turned to excitement and she said "Hola...(and many other sentences in Spanish)".

As she finished, I said "Gracias". She got excited and said "you could understand Spanish?" and she continued speaking. I nodded on the way and said "Gracias" on the way.

After some minutes, she paused and said "you only can say "Gracias?"".

I said "Si" (mean Yes), I smiled.

She then laughed "Yes, you can say Hola, Gracias, and Si". "Anyway, let me help you guys to register. Just because of your smiles and the "Gracias" for everything I said".

My friends couldn't stop laughing when hearing how did I say Gracias for everything the lady said but it worked, we got the support - thanks to Gracias - thanks to the power of THANK YOU.

Have you experienced a similar situation like this where a THANK YOU with a smile did a big help to you? And yes, making you feel happy and making others feel appreciated.

The University of Georgia recently conducted a survey on the subject of marital happiness and they found the benefits of saying 'Thank you':

The Thanker

· Produces positive emotional state

· Increases sense of well being

· Triggers ‘feel good’ hormones

The Thankee

· Feels higher levels of self-worth

· Triggers greater desire to help Thanker

· Triggers helpful behaviors toward others

· Appreciate being needed

· Feel more socially valued

Who will you say THANK YOU to today? (and also don't forget to thank you to yourself as you are spending time to develop you)

THE HI-FIVE

THE HI-FIVE

A peaceful loving day, what beauty have you witnessed?

I was sitting in my favourite coffee shop, writing as usual. After a while, I could see that someone was watching me. I looked up and I saw big bright eyes with a big grin and a curious face. It was a little boy, about 7 years old.

I smiled back at him. He then ran away, going back to his parents’ seat.

I continued writing.

An hour later, he came closer to me with a bigger grin – expressing his curiosity when seeing me sitting for such a long time with my laptop with all the mess of notebooks and water- bottles…

I raised my hand to hi-five him and he gave me a great hi-five back with a bigger grin – it cheered me a lot as I continued with my work.

Sometimes it is nice to just be like a child - brave, curious, caring...even with a stranger.


THE PIC

THE PIC

- Jen: what do u like spend time on?

- Mary: taking pictures.

- Jen: what makes taking pics special.

- Mary: I could capture the great moments of life.

- Jen: did u take any pic recently?

- Mary: I got one. (should be, “I have one”)

Mary showed me a picture with lots of wire – a typical thing In Vietnam – wire made as though it was a net – it looks dangerous somehow. Behind the wire is a place with lots of houses – old houses.

'I find it is beautiful despite the old and seemingly not clean houses with a net of wire. I live there and I am happy', Mary said.

The beauty is from within.

We make it beautiful from the inside.

THE LEADERSHIP JOURNEY

THE JOURNEY

of Gareth & I from 2017 to 2022

& 9 influential factors on Leadership Development

In 2017, I had the opportunity to experience a 12-week course to study leadership as a part of my master’s degree in International Management in the UK. Earlier to that, I always associated leadership with something big, just for someone in a big organization or a country, and ambiguous. The leadership perception wall was consciously and subconsciously socially constructed. Each day, each brick in the wall was slowly taken down to open a diverse picture of leadership.

It seems that when we focus on something, opportunities start showing up. I was invited to be a speaker in a collaborative leadership conference. My journey of leadership development moved to the next chapter when I met one of the most experienced professors on leadership topic - Gareth. He guided me in my study interviewing different SMEs' owners/managers to be able to publish the leadership book 'The leadership development journey'.

The book aims to give you a clear big picture of different perspectives on leadership in literature/practice and the common patterns that help the interviewed leaders develop their leadership capability/identity in SMEs’ context. The book was published in 2018.

After publishing the book, I still wanted to publish our study in an international paper, I however went back to Vietnam in 2018. My focus changed to my biz in Vietnam. Gareth was not giving up on helping me to reach out to different international journals. We got turned off by 3 different journals, Gareth didn't give up on me.

Yesterday finally we got accepted by the Journal of Management Development.

It is a beautiful journey, isn't it? Having someone trusting your vision and not giving up on your vision with you.

HOPE YOU NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR JOURNEY!

---About our study---

Based on interviewing almost hundreds of entrepreneurial leaders, we found that: the leadership development journey in this study is a self-development process embedded in a social learning environment. The study found nine influential factors on leadership development:

• Social factors: parents, teamwork sport activities,

teachers, role models, mentors/coaches, community-based

networks

• Self factors: self-learning, experimentation,

self-reflection

Connect with an awesome friend today

HABIT: CONNECT WITH AN AWESOME FRIEND

PAUL & I

Yesterday was a joy, I got a chance to re-connect with my mentor-Paul in the UK and share what's going on with my life with his students.

I met Paul in a distinguished talk in 2016 at my university in the UK.

I found he had a lot of wisdom and a great sense of humor. While doing different biz, he still wanted to share these with students so he became a lecturer too. After meeting him, I wanted to learn from him. I went to his office the next day to meet him.

Later on, I insisted to go to Paul's office every week, I would share ideas and Paul would ask questions that were difficult to answer but helped me grow.

When a student is ready and 'hungry' to grow, a teacher is always willing to help.

Who would be the awesome friend that you connect with today?