Love has the power to heal and connect us? (because we are all connected). Love for others makes us feel peaceful, and joyful and creates that same feeling for those around us.
Yesterday, I sat on the white sand beach, under the sunset, witnessing two talented and influential friends of Vietnam's startup ecosystem getting married. Immersing myself in the inspiring story of the two friends, along with their family, I cried, smiled, and felt loved.
I have that similar feeling every time I call my German friend and his wife - their true love radiates to me, even though we are talking online.
I have that feeling every day when I appreciate my sister's text asking me what I'm doing and if I'm okay.
I have that feeling every time our team sits down and gives each other words of gratitude.
Love – a generous spirit - is beautiful and powerful, isn’t it?
We always have the desire to love and be loved, whether we acknowledge it or not, or to what extent we recognize it. Some people may see loving or expressing love as weak, but we know that some people express love, and it makes them stronger. Maybe we experience moments of love that make us stronger.
We often let the two good things 'love' and 'strength' become in conflict with each other, while it is more about how we perceive and give meaning to those two good things. Maybe, for “strength”, substitute “independence”. That’s a great thing but we still need each other!
We have many mechanisms to cultivate our desire to love and be loved, which can be in the form of positive or less positive behaviors/habits. If we see the source of all the behaviors/habits as ‘love’, we know that love is the main thing. Behaviours/habits are just means of expressing the desire to love and be loved. We then will be free from that means, and can choose new, more effective means.
• In a family context, I know a talented girl who received a full scholarship to study abroad and then suffered from depression. The little girl explained that she was struggling, between being grateful to her parents for their efforts to give her the best future, but on the other hand, not letting her live up to her dreams. Every time she heard her parents' voices, she wanted to be fully independent, going far away, without having to depend on her parents - without having to listen to their insistent advice.
Both sides started from love but expressed it differently. When the mother reconnects with what matters – the love for her child, not imposing her will on the child; she lets herself try a new way of expressing love. Letting go, listening to her, and letting her be the one to decide on her life. Then she felt that she was able to regain connection with her child.
• I met a mentee last week, a beautiful, cheerful, strong girl - a business owner who has businesses with revenue in the top 30 in the industry, and she is loved and respected by people in the industry. She acknowledges that she is a strong person, and she also acknowledges that she wants to have a great relationship where she can love and be loved.
She had got into thinking that few people in this world matched her criteria of an ideal boyfriend – having integrity and honesty. This habit is a way for her to protect herself from being hurt if the other person doesn't love her. It means that the criteria just confirm the importance of being loved by her.
So instead of focusing on the means – the criteria - her focus should be to nurture and spread 'love'.
If she continues to focus on the criteria - on the means to express love, without going from the root of a sincere desire to love, she will receive 'fruits' on the 'surface', not the 'root' part associated with love. For example, someone may use their words or behaviors to demonstrate integrity or loyalty, but it may not come from a place of sincere love within. Thus, she needs to change her positioning and the starting point is from love and then combine it with factors - criteria - to be able to connect with someone who also comes from sincere love.
• I also used to think that being in a relationship would affect my mission, so in all my previous relationships, I always told the guys, ‘You will be number two, and number one is the mission'. I was aware that I said this to prevent a relationship from forming, because I was afraid the relationship wouldn’t go well, or I couldn’t handle emotions in love that would affect my work or if I was so into work, I would not be fully in love. The new way of saying it would be, ‘I want to love and be loved, and I want the guy to appreciate the mission - because it is an important part of my life, I will also do the same for him’. As a great example, I experienced one relationship where I felt my career flourished when I had someone who loved and understood my career.
• In work, when you see that your team has not done as promised to you or themselves, you are sad, which is also a sign that you consider it associated with not being able to keep your promise, not being appreciated, not being appreciated, or loved. And then, you know that your desire or the value you aim for is respect and love; and your team's behavior or work performance does not reflect the fact that you are unloved or unappreciated. You are free from the inference or story created by your thoughts.
If we look at it from that perspective, everything comes from our desire to love and be loved.
Every time you are sad, send a word of love to someone and yourself.
Every time you are angry, send a word of love to someone and yourself.
Can love be the path to healing and connecting us together?
