4 stages to develop a skill become a habit (Martin Broadwell, Abraham Maslow) with an example of driving a car:
Stage 1: Unconscious incompetence
We dont know what we dont know
Stage 2: Conscious incompetence
When we first drive a car.
We go to the theory part of that we realise that 'We don't know what we don't know '
Stage 3: Conscious competence
We now we get better, we gain competence
Stage 4: Unconscious competence
It becomes a habit.
For attitude and behavior, it takes more effort!
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The key is to use the formation of a habit to develop a new skill/behaviour/attitude
- You don't know that people don't feel comfortable with the way you speak
- You realise people don't feel comfortable
- You consciously decide to gain competence
You adjust one by one time
- You do it automatically
Hence, you want to get feedback from people and then compare these feedback to be aware of the issue. You then can set up the cue for the new behaviour. For example, I always use an image that there is a potential friend who is really looking forward to hearing my presentation about a particular topic. Or maybe set an intention before you step on the state. Or maybe try to minimise the content to present. Just keep one question in your mind 'What is one thing I want people to receive when they listen to us.
We can also list out of the good things or bad things if we behave like that.
After that we need to make a clear plan and have reminders or accountable partners to stay consistent.
It becomes a habit.
