THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION

Jen: What is the most important goal for you?

Coachee: I want to create a million-dollar business.

Jen: What would you feel while attempting it?

Coachee: I would feel I could achieve something, and I feel I can.

Jen: How would you live when you achieve that goal?

Coachee: I would be free to do what I love and believe in; I would help other people.

Jen: How long would it take to make it happen?

Coachee: Maybe 5 years.

Jen: What would be the way for you to feel that feeling from today, and accumulate it every day during that journey?

Coachee: I would make every day count with that mindset of loving what I do, and helping everyone through what I do …

I hear you

I HEAR YOU

---

‘Both of you should go home’, I said coldly.

‘Wow, she is crazy, isn’t she?’, my mum said to Ly when hearing me say that.

‘Ly is an adult, she would be able to come here by herself; I don’t understand why you also have to come with her’, I continued speaking to mum.

It was the conversation that I had with mum and Ly, when seeing them come together to the market.

Ly came back to visit my hometown. That morning, I went to the market to see my sister and my mum who stayed there from very early morning.

Normally, mum left the office to go back home earlier than my sister to take a rest. That day, I asked mum to ask Ly to come to the market by herself to have a look at the market. My intention was to let Ly explore the market as a new experience.

I knew mum would be very thoughtful so she would worry about Ly - whether she could find the market or not – so I told mum about my intention and how independent Ly was. Around more than 10 minutes later, mum and Ly arrived in front of me.

Thinking about mum who had been woken up early in the morning, and how tired she was, I felt so bad. With those emotions, I asked mum and Ly to go home right away.

Both Ly and mum didn’t feel great about it at that time. It was a great example of me acting on emotions. I calmed myself down after repeatedly talking with mum and Ly.

My sister was there and she said I made a small thing become big thing. She said I was not thinking about the feelings of mum and Ly: mum cared for the friend of her daughter; Ly didn’t know the whole context and my intention.

I apologized to mum and Ly later on, and found it was so interesting that I often helped people with emotional mastery, and there are some dark corners – in which the emotions still triggered the unwanted action.

It is interesting, isn’t it? We experience darkness in ourselves to embrace our better self.

If someone reacted sometimes in an intensive way, maybe it is important to hear them out: the person who reacted; the person who did the action; and after all to communicate these to each other.

EXCITEMENT

CREATE EXCITEMENT EVERY DAY

Jen: ‘Are you happy right now?’

Coachee: I am satisfied.

Jen: Is there anything in life that you want to do differently?

Coachee: I want to feel more excitement in life.

Jen: What does it feel like – the excitement?

Coachee: feeling that I am making an impact, I am doing something positive …

Jen: How many times in your life do you have that feeling?

Coachee: When I started my first biz, hired the first employee even though I was an engineer ….When I went to a mountain, stayed there, without phones, without connecting with anyone…When I made a new decision …

Jen: Is there a common factor in these experiences?

Coachee: Challenging. Being able to do something different, having the freedom to choose what to do.

Jen: How can you create that excitement again in life?

Coachee: To be able to do something that is more challenging in life…outside my comfort zone.

#jencoaching #happyhighperformancehabits

THANK YOU

"THANK YOU"

& SMILES

I remember that was one of the very first days I was in Spain to study for my first Masters degree. That day, my friends and I went to the enrollment office to register for our program.

We were so excited from the moment leaving the house because of thinking about studying in the new environment. As we arrived at the office, we approached the office staff and friendly said "Hi, how are you. We would like to register for our Masters program. Can you please help us?"

...1s...2s...3s...

We were met in silence.

The lady then said something in the Spanish language that we didn't have the capability to understand at that time.

As we didn't reply to her, she then made a sign that she couldn't help us and said "you don't speak Spanish, I cannot help you now". As she said, she called the next students queuing behind us.

We didn't know how to respond to it because our program was in English and we didn't expect that reaction.

I thought to myself - there would be at least a solution so I convinced her "We are sorry that we cannot speak Spanish yet, could you help us this time, could you ask your manager to allow to help us this time?"

The lady told us that she had to help students who could speak Spanish first and that I could ask her manager and her manager would say the same. She then pointed me to go to the manager's room so she could continue serving other students.

I went to the manager's room, smiled, and said "Hola. Gracias" (meaning Thank you), the manager's face turned to excitement and she said "Hola...(and many other sentences in Spanish)".

As she finished, I said "Gracias". She got excited and said "you could understand Spanish?" and she continued speaking. I nodded on the way and said "Gracias" on the way.

After some minutes, she paused and said "you only can say "Gracias?"".

I said "Si" (mean Yes), I smiled.

She then laughed "Yes, you can say Hola, Gracias, and Si". "Anyway, let me help you guys to register. Just because of your smiles and the "Gracias" for everything I said".

My friends couldn't stop laughing when hearing how did I say Gracias for everything the lady said but it worked, we got the support - thanks to Gracias - thanks to the power of THANK YOU.

Have you experienced a similar situation like this where a THANK YOU with a smile did a big help to you? And yes, making you feel happy and making others feel appreciated.

The University of Georgia recently conducted a survey on the subject of marital happiness and they found the benefits of saying 'Thank you':

The Thanker

· Produces positive emotional state

· Increases sense of well being

· Triggers ‘feel good’ hormones

The Thankee

· Feels higher levels of self-worth

· Triggers greater desire to help Thanker

· Triggers helpful behaviors toward others

· Appreciate being needed

· Feel more socially valued

Who will you say THANK YOU to today? (and also don't forget to thank you to yourself as you are spending time to develop you)

THE HI-FIVE

THE HI-FIVE

A peaceful loving day, what beauty have you witnessed?

I was sitting in my favourite coffee shop, writing as usual. After a while, I could see that someone was watching me. I looked up and I saw big bright eyes with a big grin and a curious face. It was a little boy, about 7 years old.

I smiled back at him. He then ran away, going back to his parents’ seat.

I continued writing.

An hour later, he came closer to me with a bigger grin – expressing his curiosity when seeing me sitting for such a long time with my laptop with all the mess of notebooks and water- bottles…

I raised my hand to hi-five him and he gave me a great hi-five back with a bigger grin – it cheered me a lot as I continued with my work.

Sometimes it is nice to just be like a child - brave, curious, caring...even with a stranger.


THE PIC

THE PIC

- Jen: what do u like spend time on?

- Mary: taking pictures.

- Jen: what makes taking pics special.

- Mary: I could capture the great moments of life.

- Jen: did u take any pic recently?

- Mary: I got one. (should be, “I have one”)

Mary showed me a picture with lots of wire – a typical thing In Vietnam – wire made as though it was a net – it looks dangerous somehow. Behind the wire is a place with lots of houses – old houses.

'I find it is beautiful despite the old and seemingly not clean houses with a net of wire. I live there and I am happy', Mary said.

The beauty is from within.

We make it beautiful from the inside.

THE LEADERSHIP JOURNEY

THE JOURNEY

of Gareth & I from 2017 to 2022

& 9 influential factors on Leadership Development

In 2017, I had the opportunity to experience a 12-week course to study leadership as a part of my master’s degree in International Management in the UK. Earlier to that, I always associated leadership with something big, just for someone in a big organization or a country, and ambiguous. The leadership perception wall was consciously and subconsciously socially constructed. Each day, each brick in the wall was slowly taken down to open a diverse picture of leadership.

It seems that when we focus on something, opportunities start showing up. I was invited to be a speaker in a collaborative leadership conference. My journey of leadership development moved to the next chapter when I met one of the most experienced professors on leadership topic - Gareth. He guided me in my study interviewing different SMEs' owners/managers to be able to publish the leadership book 'The leadership development journey'.

The book aims to give you a clear big picture of different perspectives on leadership in literature/practice and the common patterns that help the interviewed leaders develop their leadership capability/identity in SMEs’ context. The book was published in 2018.

After publishing the book, I still wanted to publish our study in an international paper, I however went back to Vietnam in 2018. My focus changed to my biz in Vietnam. Gareth was not giving up on helping me to reach out to different international journals. We got turned off by 3 different journals, Gareth didn't give up on me.

Yesterday finally we got accepted by the Journal of Management Development.

It is a beautiful journey, isn't it? Having someone trusting your vision and not giving up on your vision with you.

HOPE YOU NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR JOURNEY!

---About our study---

Based on interviewing almost hundreds of entrepreneurial leaders, we found that: the leadership development journey in this study is a self-development process embedded in a social learning environment. The study found nine influential factors on leadership development:

• Social factors: parents, teamwork sport activities,

teachers, role models, mentors/coaches, community-based

networks

• Self factors: self-learning, experimentation,

self-reflection

Connect with an awesome friend today

HABIT: CONNECT WITH AN AWESOME FRIEND

PAUL & I

Yesterday was a joy, I got a chance to re-connect with my mentor-Paul in the UK and share what's going on with my life with his students.

I met Paul in a distinguished talk in 2016 at my university in the UK.

I found he had a lot of wisdom and a great sense of humor. While doing different biz, he still wanted to share these with students so he became a lecturer too. After meeting him, I wanted to learn from him. I went to his office the next day to meet him.

Later on, I insisted to go to Paul's office every week, I would share ideas and Paul would ask questions that were difficult to answer but helped me grow.

When a student is ready and 'hungry' to grow, a teacher is always willing to help.

Who would be the awesome friend that you connect with today?

Choose an abundant mindset

ABUNDANCE Thanks to today, we have another day to choose to live with an abundant mind:

- Choose unlimited thoughts in limited circumstances;

- See the possibility in the impossible;

- See the potential of you & others beyond the current circumstances;

- See great success comes when everyone is successful;

- Feel grateful for what you have

#happyhighperformancehabits #jencoaching

9 success habits

9 HABITS
shared by the sisters/friends in my book 'Under the Iceberg of Success' that make their 'success' - who they are proud of when they become.
9 THÓI QUEN
những người chị/người bạn trong cuốn sách 'Dưới tảng băng của sự thành công' làm nên 'sự thành công' - con người họ tự hào khi họ trở thành.
---
THINKING
Habit 1: Think Big (Think Big, Dream Big)
- the "amplifier" of success)
Habit 2: Growth mindset (Continually growing
yourself - the guide of success)
Habit 3: Contribution mindset (Giving, kindness)
- happy source of success)
FAITH
Habit 4: Believe in yourself (Be yourself
- unique advantages to success)
ACTION EVERY DAY
Habit 5: Seek Clarity (Know What You Want,
Who are you, what skills do you need to develop - a yardstick for
necessary efforts to lead to success)
Habit 6: Choose the difficult path (courageous, daring
- launch pad of success)
Habit 7: Commitment (Perseverance, self-discipline)
- means of success)
ENVIRONMENT
Habit 8: Sharing (Connecting to the environment
- replication of success)
Habit 9: Gratitude (Connecting to the Present
– connected with success).
-----
TƯ DUY
Thói quen 1: Tư duy lớn (Nghĩ lớn, ước mơ lớn
- bộ “khuếch đại” của thành công)
Thói quen 2: Tư duy cầu tiến (Không ngừng phát triển
bản thân - người dẫn đường của thành công)
Thói quen 3: Tư duy cống hiến (Cho đi, sự tử tế
- suối nguồn hạnh phúc của thành công)
NIỀM TIN
Thói quen 4: Tin vào bản thân (Là chính mình
- lợi thế độc đáo để thành công)
HÀNH ĐỘNG MỖI NGÀY
Thói quen 5: Tìm kiếm sự rõ ràng (Biết bạn muốn gì,
bạn là ai, bạn cần phát triển kĩ năng gì - thước đo cho
những nỗ lực cần thiết để dẫn đến thành công)
Thói quen 6: Chọn con đường khó (can đảm, táo bạo
– bệ phóng của thành công)
Thói quen 7: Cam kết (Kiên trì, kỉ luật bản thân
- phương tiện của thành công)
MÔI TRƯỜNG
Thói quen 8: Chia sẻ (Kết nối với môi trường
– sự nhân bản của thành công)
Thói quen 9: Lòng biết ơn (Kết nối với hiện tại
– kết nối với thành công).

KINDNESS of strangers

A simple story of KINDNESS that warms our hearts

This is a story from a scholar sharing her experience in the UK touched my heart, and I hope it warms your heart too.

[Câu chuyện về lòng tốt của một người lạ]

I opened my pocket to get my phone when I got home, but I couldn't find it. I was terrified, wondering where I had gone.

I returned to the school to look for it, but it was nowhere to be found. After returning from school, I go to the park to sit and observe the surroundings. As I reached the stone bench where I was sitting, I noticed two people sitting there in the distance - the same two people.

So, I approached them and attempted to explain things to them.

" My phone has been missing for more than two hours!

When one of the two strangers heard what happened, he questioned.

Is that your phone?

'We noticed it here and didn't know who it belonged to, so we sat for a moment and waited for someone to come and get it before we handed it to security.

Wow, a warm feeling ran through my body as I stood there for a second.

Isn't it lovely? Someone from the outside is concerned. '

We may notice many lovely moments and stories in life if we take some time each day to observe; or we can create our own.

ONE THING THAT YOU DO TO TRIGGER THE JOY THIS WEEK?

ONE THING THAT YOU DO TO TRIGGER THE JOY THIS WEEK?

SMILE (^^LAUGH)

" I like your smile with the white big teeth so I will let you go ", the police said to Sub. (A habit of being friendly with a big smile can create a great power of persuasion?)

Sub came from the US. He has a contagious smile - if he walks in a meeting, people will feel the relaxing friendly energetic vibe from his smile and they will also smile.

One night, Sub got caught by police while driving his car to town. On that day, he didn't bring his driving license.

The police asked him to look for any other paper having Sub's face in it. Sub tried to look at different corners of the wallet and down to the very bottom of it - but he could not find one.

The police then asked Sub "Hold on a minute, I saw a paper with your face and with a very big smile".

Sub got confused for a second, but still smiled friendly as his nature, and then tried to go over one more time different items in his wallet...

"Yes, that one", the police pointed at an item in Sub’s wallet.

"Oh, this one", Sub surprised.

"This teeth checkup appointment card?", Sub got even more confused and he even started to laugh at himself because he didn’t believe that the card would be able to replace the driving license.

"Yes, exactly", the police said.

As the police said, he picked up the card and also started to laugh "Wow, you had a very white big teeth, indeed". While looking at the card, he looked at Sub and continued “Yes, it is you. The white big teeth man, you can go now”.

"Come again", Sub could not know what was happening.

"I like your smile with the white big teeth so I will let you go", the police said.

"Next time, bring your license and drive carefully to make sure you can protect your nice teeth", the police winked and left, leaving Sub not knowing what to say, just kept smiling.

Our community had great laughter when listening to this story of Sub. And yes, we could somehow understand the police's feeling when seeing the contagious smile of Sub "it is really nice, indeed". And the smile came from his caring, friendly soul.

Have you experienced a similar situation where you could see the magic power of a smile? Have you used the power of smile to connect with people?

Takeaways from the story:

- When you smile, you release the tension, you set an intention to see situations with a positive attitude

- You tend to take positive action

- You make others smile too

Do you know?

- “British researchers found that one smile can provide the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 chocolate bars; they also found that smiling can be as stimulating as receiving up to 16,000 Pounds Sterling in cash” (Forbes, 2011)

5W TO FEEL THE 'MOMENT'...

5W TO FEEL THE 'MOMENT'...

I learned an interesting lesson about 'feel every moment' through a friend in the US back in 2011. This friend came to visit Vietnam and stay nearby my house in Hanoi.

When we went out to eat, it often took 2 hours for him to finish his meal while it took a minute for me.

'Eating slowly is like meditating, enjoying the moment', he often told me.

He often arrived at home late even he left his work early, it was because he walked home, walking and meditating at the same time.

He generated a very calm, friendly vibe whenever he went. He made everyone feel heard and understood. He taught me to feel every moment. Wow, it is still a challenge when we get into intensive days, but the moments are always there for us, to feel.

You feel every moment each day?

----------------------

I am using this 5W model to increase the being present every moment:

W: where are we?

W: what are we thinking?

W: what are we doing?

W: Who are we with?

W: What do we feel?

Thanks for being present with this post. Till now...Love

RAISE OUR STANDARDS

RAISE OUR STANDARDS

Change starts with a desire to make a change. To know 'where' to change to, we need to define the 'where' and it has to be in a higher standard compared to where we are now.

What areas we should raise our standards?

You can think about 5 areas that you want to raise to other levels that you feel better that can lead to any other areas better.

1. Joy

Associate the joy with the process of raising standards and in daily activities.

2. Health

When you are healthy, you feel energetic, you are more focused, you are more productive. You know if you have everything but not health, it is not meaningful.

Everyday your decision of what you eat, drink, sleep influences your health.

Remind yourself when you choose the apples or the fast food; Coca-Cola or water; use the staircase or elevator; an exercise in the morning or sleep longer; yoga and going to the gym or going to party to drink

3. Focus

Focus on one thing at a time, do not let the phones and laptops work against you, let them become your weapon, use them to set alarm to remind yourself to take a rest after each hour of intensively working.

Forget about multi tasking that does not advance your life. Work intensively for one task and take a break to get back focus.

4. Kindness

Be kind to others, challenge yourself today to go out to:

- Say 'Hi' and smile at a person you meet on the road

- Give a compliment to your loved one and a stranger

- Give a compliment to a person in a coffee shop or restaurant that you normally go to

- Share the cake you make with your neighbor

- Write a thanks card to your co-workers

5. Courage

Enable to raise your standards in any area, you want to be more courageous, even you may feel scared, but you will do it anyway.

The more you do it, the more courageous you become.

You will make the muscle of courage stronger each time you overcome the fear and the doubts to do things that advance your life, to be more joyful, to more healthy, to be more focused, to be more kind.

Our new standard should come with a higher standard of the community around us.

What are your new standards?

What is your new network to help you achieve the standard?